arn to play the harp with
my own hands. Caesar loves music. Can you teach me?

MUSICIAN. Assuredly I and no one else can teach the Queen. Have I not
discovered the lost method of the ancient Egyptians, who could make a
pyramid tremble by touching a bass string? All the other teachers are
quacks: I have exposed them repeatedly.

CLEOPATRA. Good: you shall teach me. How long will it take?

MUSICIAN. Not very long: only four years. Your Majesty must first become
proficient in the philosophy of Pythagoras.

CLEOPATRA. Has she (indicating the slave) become proficient in the
philosophy of Pythagoras?

MUSICIAN. Oh, she is but a slave. She learns as a dog learns.

CLEOPATRA. Well, then, I will learn as a dog learns; for she plays
better than you. You shall give me a lesson every day for a fortnight.
(The musician hastily scrambles to his feet and bows profoundly.) After
that, whenever I strike a false note you shall be flogged; and if I
strike so many that there is not time to flog you, you shall be thrown
into the Nile to feed the crocodiles. Give the girl a piece of gold; and
send them away.

MUSICIAN (much taken aback). But true art will not be thus forced.

FTATATEETA (pushing him out). What is this? Answering the Queen,
forsooth. Out with you.

He is pushed out by Ftatateeta, the girl following with her harp, amid
the laughter of the ladies and slaves.

CLEOPATRA. Now, can any of you amuse me? Have you any stories or any
news?

IRAS. Ftatateeta--

CLEOPATRA. Oh, Ftatateeta, Ftatateeta, always Ftatateeta. Some new tale
to set me against her.

IRAS. No: this time Ftatateeta has been virtuous. (All the ladies
laugh--not the slaves.) Pothinus has been trying to bribe her to let him
speak with you.

CLEOPATRA (wrathfully). Ha! You all sell audiences with me, as if I saw
whom you please, and not whom I please. I should like to know how much
of her gold piece that harp girl will have to give up before she leaves
the palace.

IRAS. We can easily find out that for you.

The ladies laugh.

CLEOPATRA (frowning). You laugh; but take care, take care. I will find
out some day how to make myself served as Caesar is served.

CHARMIAN. Old hooknose! (They laugh again.)

CLEOPATRA (revolted). Silence. Charmian: do not you be a silly little
Egyptian fool. Do you know why I allow you all to chatter impertinently
just as you please, instead of treating you as Ftatateeta would treat
you if she were Queen?

CHARMIAN.