don't know what was in the others' minds, but I know what filled my
own...

I fancy it isn't the men who get most out of the world and are always
buoyant and cheerful that most fear to die. Rather it is the
weak-engined souls who go about with dull eyes, that cling most
fiercely to life. They have not the joy of being alive which is a kind
of earnest of immortality ... I know that my thoughts were chiefly
about the jolly things that I had seen and done; not regret, but
gratitude. The panorama of blue noons on the veld unrolled itself
before me, and hunter's nights in the bush, the taste of food and
sleep, the bitter stimulus of dawn, the joy of wild adventure, the
voices of old staunch friends. Hitherto the war had seemed to make a
break with all that had gone before, but now the war was only part of
the picture. I thought of my battalion, and the good fellows there,
many of whom had fallen on the Loos parapets. I had never looked to
come out of that myself. But I had been spared, and given the chance
of a greater business, and I had succeeded. That was the tremendous
fact, and my mood was humble gratitude to God and exultant pride.
Death was a small price to pay for it. As Blenkiron would have said, I
had got good value in the deal.

The night was getting bitter cold, as happens before dawn. It was
frost again, and the sharpness of it woke our hunger. I got out the
remnants of the food and wine and we had a last meal. I remember we
pledged each other as we drank.

'We have eaten our Passover Feast,' said Sandy. 'When do you look for
the end?'

'After dawn,' I said. 'Stumm wants daylight to get the full savour of
his revenge.'

Slowly the sky passed from ebony to grey, and black shapes of hill
outlined themselves against it. A wind blew down the valley, bringing
the acrid smell of burning, but something too of the freshness of morn.
It stirred strange thoughts in me, and woke the old morning vigour of
the blood which was never to be mine again. For the first time in that
long vigil I was torn with a sudden regret.

'We must get into the cave before it is full light,' I said. 'We had
better draw lots for the two to go.'

The choice fell on one of the Companions and Blenkiron. 'You can count
me out,' said the latter. 'If it's your wish to find a man to be alive
when our friends come up to count their spoil, I guess I'm the worst of
the lot. I'd prefer, if you don't mind, to stay here. I've