ll-read girl, had probably never
heard of the proverb, but there was something in her mood of mind at
present that might seem to have sprung from the conjunction of the
rainbow and the west wind. She was exalted out of herself by her
feelings--the west wind breathed lovingly on her--and yet she saw that
the rainbow was very far off. She was beginning to admit to herself that
she was in love with the Dictator--at all events, that she was growing
more and more into love with him; but she could not see that he was at
all likely to be in love with her. She was a spoilt child; she had all
the virtues and no doubt some of the defects of the spoilt child. She
had always been given to understand that she would be a great
match--that anybody would be delighted to marry her--that she might
marry anyone she pleased provided she did not take a fancy to a royal
prince, and that she must be very careful not to let herself be married
for her money alone. She knew that she was a handsome girl, and she
knew, too, that she had got credit for being clever and a little
eccentric--for being a girl who was privileged to be unconventional, and
to say what she pleased and whatever came into her head. She enjoyed the
knowledge of the fact that she was allowed to speak out her mind, and
that people would put up with things from her which they would not put
up with from other girls. The knowledge did not make her feel
cynical--it only made her feel secure. She was not a reasoning girl; she
loved to follow her own impulses, and had the pleased conviction that
they generally led her right.
Now, however, it seemed to her that things had not been going right with
her, and that she had her own impulses all to blame. She had taken a
great liking to Mr. Hamilton, and she had petted him and made much of
him, and probably got talked of with him, and all the time she never had
the faintest idea that he was likely to misunderstand her feelings
towards him. She thought he would know well enough that she admired him
and was friendly and free with him because he was the devoted follower
of the Dictator. And at first she regarded the Dictator himself only as
the chief of a cause which she had persuaded herself to recognise and
talked herself into regarding as _her_ cause. Therefore it had not
occurred to her to think that Hamilton would not be quite satisfied with
the friendliness which she showed to him as the devoted follower of
their common leader. She went
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