t difficulty can she restrain herself from casting a glance
toward Alexander; but she must be on her guard against her brother, my
lord Gawain. Dearly she pays and atones for her great pride and disdain.
Love has heated for her a bath which heats and burns her painfully. At
first it is grateful to her, and then it hurts; one moment she likes it,
and the next she will have none of it. She accuses her eyes of treason,
and says: [211] "My eyes, you have betrayed me now! My heart, usually
so faithful, now bears me ill-will because of you. Now what I see
distresses me. Distresses? Nay, verily, rather do I like it well. And if
I actually see something that distresses me, can I not control my eyes?
My strength must indeed have failed, and little should I esteem myself,
if I cannot control my eyes and make them turn their glance elsewhere.
Thus, I shall be able to baffle Love in his efforts to get control of
me. The heart feels no pain when the eye does not see; so, if I do not
look at him, no harm will come to me. He addresses me no request or
prayer, as he would do were he in love with me. And since he neither
loves nor esteems me, shall I love him without return? If his beauty
allures my eyes, and my eyes listen to the call, shall I say that I love
him just for that? Nay, for that would be a lie. Therefore, he has no
ground for complaint, nor can I make any claim against him. One cannot
love with the eyes alone. What crime, then, have my eyes committed, if
their glance but follows my desire? What is their fault and what their
sin? Ought I to blame them, then? Nay, verily. Who, then, should be
blamed? Surely myself, who have them in control. My eye glances at
nothing unless it gives my heart delight. My heart ought not to have any
desire which would give me pain. Yet its desire causes me pain. Pain?
Upon my faith, I must be mad, if to please my heart I wish for something
which troubles me. If I can, I ought to banish any wish that distresses
me. If I can? Mad one, what have I said? I must, indeed, have little
power if I have no control over myself. Does Love think to set me in
the same path which is wont to lead others astray? Others he may lead
astray, but not me who care not for him. Never shall I be his, nor
ever was, and I shall never seek his friendship." Thus she argues with
herself, one moment loving, and hating the next. She is in such doubt
that she does not know which course she had better adopt. She thinks to
be on t