bell at the Mansion House, it is
thought, is the best way of making City men take to their covers.

* * *

A new epidemic, of which "bodily swellings" are the first symptom, is
reported by the German papers. And just when the previous epidemic of
head-swellings was beginning to subside.

* * *

A Marylebone boy, arrested for forgery, told the police that he had made
two complete L1 notes out of paper bags. Is this the paper-bag cookery of
which we have heard so much?

* * *

A market gardener told the Enfield Tribunal that a conscientious objector
whom he had employed was found asleep at his work on two successive days.
People with highly-strung consciences very rarely enjoy this natural and
easy slumber.

* * *

The American scientist who claims to have invented a substitute for tobacco
cannot have followed the movement of the age. We have been able to obtain
twopenny cigars in this country for years.

* * *

An applicant who said he had six children has been given six months'
exemption. A member of the Tribunal remarked that the exemption would mean
one month for each child. This great discovery proved too much for the poor
fellow, who is said to have collapsed immediately.

* * *

A new ship is being fitted out for Captain AMUNDSEN, who is to proceed
shortly with an Arctic exploration party. In case he should discover any
new land, arrangements have been made to hold a flag-day for the
inhabitants, if any.

* * *

Judging by the latest reports the Stockholm Conference is like the gun that
they didn't know was loaded.

* * *

Because his wife accused him of not loving her, a farmer of Husavik,
Manitoba, assaulted her with a pen-knife just to show that he did.

* * *

Special "storm troops"--men picked for their youth, vigour and daring, to
carry out counter-attacks--are now a feature of the German Armies. Even our
ordinary British soldiers, who are constantly compelled to take these brave
fellows prisoners, bear witness to the ferocity of their appearance.

* * *

Taxes on watering-places, it is announced, will be a feature of the new
French Budget. It is feared that this will bear hardly on breweries and
dairies.

* * *

We are not permitted to publish the name of the Foreign Office official who
strolled into a Piccadilly Bar last week and ordered a Clam-Martinic
cocktail.

* * *

According to a report of the National Physical Laboratory the Tower of
London is moving towards the T