Sergeant! He is it! Look curiously
at him whereupon he me in the leg shoots. Long live our Emperor! Again
carried home.

_Sept. 1._--Again out, in invalid chair, meet same man, now
Lieutenant. I murmur sadly, "Ah, my friend, I gave you a leg-up
indeed!" Then he, saying that I him insulted have, my remaining arm
with his sword off cuts. I respect our Emperor, but I love not his
soldiers now. Must hire an amanuensis.

_January 1._--After my long illness go I once again, Unter den Linden,
in my invalid chair--that is to say, what is left of me. My enemy is
now a Colonel. Shall I him again see? Heaven forbid! Alas, he comes
even now, with those weapons which so rapidly him increase, and me
diminish! I say nothing, but he, seeing me, with his sword my last
limb off cuts. I love not even our Emperor now.

_May 1._--To-day is the Socialists' Day, and I can once more
out-dragged be. I am now a without legs or arms Socialist. My enemy
can be promoted now only by my body. He has become a General and
Count--(_Here the Diary ends abruptly._)

"_Berlin, May 2._--Yesterday an unfortunate Gentleman, without arms or
legs, when passing the Royal Palace in his invalid chair, was attacked
by a distinguished officer, who ran his sword through the heart of
the unoffending civilian. The assassin was immediately promoted, as is
usual in such cases, and is now Field Marshal Prince BLUTUNDRUHM VON
SCHLACHTHAUSEN."--_London Daily Papers._

* * * * *

[Illustration: CULTURE.

SCENE--A Private Picture Gallery.

Noble Sportsman (opposite choice example of Canaletto). "I SAY, BY
JOVE, I SEE YOU'VE GOT A PICTURE OF OLYMPIA HERE!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

[Illustration: Alpheus Cleophas.]

House of Commons, Monday, April 4.--ALPHEUS CLEOPHAS has adde
a new terror to Parliamentary life. It is bad enough to have him
unexpectedly rising from a customary seat; usually finds a place on
top Bench below Gangway, whence, in days that are no more, NEWDEGATE
used to lament fresh evidences of Papal ascendancy. House grown
accustomed to hearing the familiar voice from this accustomed spot.
To-night, conversation on question of Privilege been going forward for
some time. Seemed about to reach conclusion, when suddenly, far below
the Gangway in Irish quarter, ominous sound broke on startled ear.

[Illustration: Personal Conductor.]