ine in
characteristics, and two played no games. I thought it odd that
they should all express admiration for the very boyish qualities
in me that other people disliked. A fourth man, something of the
same type, told another friend that he always felt surprised at
how freely he was able to talk to me, but that he never could
feel that I was a woman. Two of these were brilliantly clever
men; two were artists.

"At the same period, or earlier, I made a number of women
friends, and of course saw more of them. I chose out some and
some chose me; I think I attracted them as much as, or even more
than, they attracted me. I do not quite remember if this was so,
though I can say for certain that it was so at school. There were
three or four bright, clever, young women whom I got to know then
with whom I was great friends. We were interested in books,
social theories, politics, art. Sometimes I visited them or we
went on exploring expeditions to many country places or towns.
They all in the end either had love affairs or married. I know
that in spite of all our free conversations they never talked to
me as they did to each other; we were always a little shy with
each other. But I got very fond of at least four of them. I
admired them and when I was tired and worried I often thought how
easily, if I had been a man, I could have married and settled
down with one or the other. I used to think it would be
delightful to have a woman to work for and take care of. My
attraction to these women was very strong, but I don't think they
knew it. I seldom even kissed them, but I should often have
cheerfully given them a good hugging and kissing if I had thought
it a right or proper thing to do. I never wanted them to kiss me
half so much as I wanted to kiss them. In these years I felt this
with every woman I admired.

"Occasionally, I experienced slight erections when close to other
women. I am sure that no deliberate thought of mine caused them,
and as I had them at other times too, when I was not expecting
them, I think it may have been accidental. What I felt with my
mind and what I felt with my body always at this time seemed
apart. I cannot accurately describe the interest and attraction
that women then were to me. I only know I never felt anything
like it for men. All my feelings of