yself struck me at
once, and I read the sentence to my mother who disgusted me by
appearing shocked.

"During this period I began to fall in love,--a practice which
clung to me until I was nearly 30 years old. I recall various
older women with whom I became much enamored, and one man. Of
these there was only one with whom I became acquainted well
enough to show any affection; another was a teacher, and another
was a young married woman at whom I used to gaze ardently during
an entire church service. Toward all my women teachers I had a
somewhat sentimental attitude. They stimulated me, while the men
gave me a wholly impersonal feeling. This abnormal sentimentality
may have been caused, or at least was increased, by the reading
of novels, some of a highly voluptuous nature. I began to read
novels at 7, and from 11 to 14 I absorbed a great many
undesirable ones. This lead to my picturing my future with a
lover, fancying myself in romantic scenes and being caressed and
embraced. I had always supposed I should marry. When about 5 I
decided that when I grew up I would marry a certain young man who
used to come to our house. Several years later he married, to my
real disappointment. I had no affection for him, but merely
thought he would make a desirable husband.

"During my unhappy adolescence I heard that a former playmate was
going to visit at my home. I began to look forward to the visit
with much eagerness and at her arrival was much excited. I wished
to stay alone with her and to caress her, and when we slept
together I pressed my body against her in a sensual manner, which
act she permitted, but without passion. I was greatly excited and
could scarcely sleep. This was the first time I had acted in such
a way, and after she left I felt shame and dislike for her. At
future meetings there was never the least sensuality; we never
referred to the first visit and are still friends, though not
intimate.

"A diary which I kept during my fourteenth and fifteenth years is
filled with romantic sentiments and endearing terms applied
successively to three girls of my own age. I had but a speaking
acquaintance with them, but I was strongly infatuated with all.
One boy was also the object of adoration.

"During my thirteenth year I became for a time very religious and
devote