me alone this seemed so, best
beloved, and not to all the world! Would that I could hear others excuse
you, or devise excuses myself!

The things I ask ought to seem very small and easy to you. While I
starve for you, do, now and then, by words, bring back your presence to
me! How can you be generous in deeds if you are so avaricious in words?
I have done everything for your sake. It was not religion that dragged
me, a young girl, so fond of life, so ardent, to the harshness of the
convent, but only your command. If I deserve nothing from you, how vain
is my labor! God will not recompense me, for whose love I have
done nothing.

When you resolved to take the vows, I followed,--rather, I ran before.
You had the image of Lot's wife before your eyes; you feared I might
look back, and therefore you deeded _me_ to God by the sacred vestments
and irrevocable vows before you took them yourself. For this, I own, I
grieved, bitterly ashamed that I could depend on you so little, when I
would lead or follow you straight to perdition. For my soul is always
with you and no longer mine own. And if it is not with you in these last
wretched years, it is nowhere. Do receive it kindly. Oh, if only you had
returned favor for favor, even a little for the much, words for things!
Would, beloved, that your affection would not take my tenderness and
obedience always for granted; that it might be more anxious! But just
because I have poured out all I have and am, you give me nothing.
Remember, oh, remember how much you owe!

There was a time when people doubted whether I had given you all my
heart, asking nothing. But the end shows how I began. I have denied
myself a life which promised at least peace and work in the world, only
to obey your hard exactions. I have kept back nothing for myself, except
the comfort of pleasing you. How hard and cruel are you then, when I ask
so little and that little is so easy for you to give!

In the name of God, to whom you are dedicate, send me some lines of
consolation. Help me to learn obedience! When you wooed me because
earthly love was beautiful, you sent me letter after letter. With your
divine singing every street and house echoed my name! How much more
ought you now to persuade to God her whom then you turned from Him! Heed
what I ask; think what you owe. I have written a long letter, but the
ending shall be short. Farewell, darling!

ABELARD'S ANSWER TO HELOISE

_To Heloise, his best be