onchs, which were regular
Sneezers in point of size.

An announcement which was made by the distinguished Astronomer,
Professor LOONEY, created a most profound sensation.

He stated that with the aid of a powerful telescope he had discovered an
immense Fissure in the Moon. He was quite positive that he had also
observed a Man in the Gap. Although unable to distinguish the features
of this individual, he thought it might possibly be JAMES STEPHENS, the
missing Fenian Head Centre.

When the excitement consequent upon this startling announcement had
subsided, I rose and addressed the Convention as follows:

"Ladies and Gentlemen: I cannot express, in words, the profound
gratification with which I have listened to the learned and eloquent
addresses which have just been delivered. The advancement of Science is
an object which is worthy the efforts of such distinguished _savants_ as
I see around me, and to this object they have brought that profundity of
learning which is only to be gathered from the perusal of elementary
text books, that almost strabismal acuteness of perception which enables
them to descry such great scientific truths as can be discovered through
an orifice in a barn door, and that wonderful power of discrimination
which enables them to distinguish between the seed of the leguminous
plant known as the bean, and the other vegetable productions of Nature,
when the bag is open.

As an humble member of the Brotherhood of Science, I desire to
contribute, in however insignificant a degree, to the Great Cause of
Learning. I will therefore, with Your Permission, read" (loud cries of
'No! No!' 'Put him out!' etc., to which of course I paid no attention,)
"the following papers: 'An Inquiry as to Whether Diptheria has anything
to do with the Migration of the Swallow,' 'On the possibility of
straightening the curve of the African Shin Bone.' 'On Marine Plants and
Deep Sea Currents.' 'On the Laws of Mechanics, with observations on the
Mechanic's Lien Law and the By-Laws of Trades Unions.' 'Some Reflections
on Reflection.' 'The Connection between Mathematics and Versification,
as illustrated by LOGARHYTHMS.' 'Minute Experiments with the
Hour-Glass,' and 'Important Speculations on the Sea Changes.'"

I proceeded to read the first of the above named papers, but before I
had got very far, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, I was interrupted by a peculiar
sound, which I at first took for subdued applause, but which, on
investigation, I