m Oxford, who knew little
of the world, and less of that part of it called Ireland; and secondly,
they were all strangers to me, and consequently my liberty of speech
was untrammelled by any unpleasant reminiscences of dealing, in fairs or
auctions.

"The establishment was presided over by Sir Harvey's sister, at least,
nominally so--her presence being a reason for having ladies at his
parties; and although she was only nineteen, she gave a tone and
character to the habits of the house, which, without her, it never could
have possessed. Miss Blundell was a very charming person, combining in
herself two qualities which, added to beauty, made a very irresistible
_ensemble_: she had the greatest flow of spirits, with a retiring
and almost timidly bashful disposition: courage for any thing, and a
delicacy that shrunk abashed from all that bordered on display, or bore
the slightest semblance of effrontery. I shall say no more, than that
before I was a week in the house, I was over head and ears in love
with her; my whole thoughts centred in her; my whole endeavour, to show
myself in such a light as might win her favour.

"Every accomplishment I possessed--every art and power of amusing, urged
to the utmost by the desire to succeed, I exerted in her service; and at
last perceived, that she was not indifferent to me. Then, and then for
the first time, came the thought--who was I, that dared to do this--what
had I of station, rank, or wealth, to entitle me to sue--perhaps to
gain, the affections, of one placed like her? The whole duplicity of my
conduct started up before me, and I saw for the first time, how the mere
ardour of pursuit had led me on and on--how the daring to surmount a
difficulty, had stirred my heart, at first to win, and then to worship
her: and the bitterness of my self-reproach at that moment became a
punishment, which, even now, I remember with a shudder. It is too true!
The great misfortunes of life form more endurable subjects for memory in
old age, than the instances, however trivial, where we have acted amiss,
and where conscience rebukes us. I have had my share of calamity, one
way or other--my life has been more than once in peril--and in such
peril as might well shake the nerve of the boldest: but I can think on
all these, and do think on them, often, without fear or heart-failing;
but never can I face the hours, when my own immediate self-love and
vanity brought their own penalty on me, without a s