cial task which had grown, from much musing, dear to
me. I did most deeply desire to become worthy to wear the seal of a
commission to the earth; but I had ceased to urge the selfish cry of my
personal heart-break. I did not pray now for the precious right to
visit my own home, nor weary the Will in which I had learned to confide
with passionate demands for my beloved. I may rather say that I had
come almost to feel that when I was worthy to see Helen I should be
worthy of life eternal; and that I had dropped my love and my longing
and my shame into the Hands of Infinite Love, and seen them close over
these, as over a trust.

The special matter to which I refer was this: I desired to be permitted
to visit human homes, and set myself, as well as I might, to the effort
of cultivating their kindliness. I longed to cherish the sacred graces
of human speech. I wished to emphasize the opportunity of those who
love each other. I groaned within me, till I might teach the
preciousness and the poignancy of _words_. It seemed to me that if I
might but set the whole force of a man's experience and a spirit's
power to make an irritable scene in loving homes held as degrading as a
blow, that I could say what no man ever said before, and do what no
spirit would ever do again.

If this be called an exaggerated view of a specific case, I can only
say that every human life learns one lesson perfectly, and is qualified
to teach that, and that alone, as no other can. This was mine.

When, therefore, I received the summons to which I have alluded, I
inferred that the wish of my heart had been heard, and I set forth
joyfully, expecting to be sent upon some service of the nature at which
I have hinted. My soul was full of it, and I made haste to depart,
putting no question in the way of my obedience. No information,
indeed, was granted to me beyond the fact that I should follow a
certain course until I came to its apparent end, and there await what
should occur, and act as my heart prompted. The vagueness of this
command stirred my curiosity a little, I confess; but that only added
to the pleasure of the undertaking. It would be difficult to say how
much relief I found in being occupied once again to some purpose, like
a man. But it would be impossible to tell the solemn happiness I had
in being counted fit humbly to fulfil the smallest trust placed in me
by Him who was revealed, at this late, last moment, after all, to me,
un