rectors despise;
I was the Ink over vain letters used;
J were the Junctions which some one abused;
K was the Kick "Protest" got for its crimes;
L were the Letters it wrote to the _Times_;
M was the Meeting that probed the affair;
N was the Nothing that came of the scare;
O was the Overdue train on its way;
P was the Patience that bore the delay;
Q was the Question which struck everyone;
R the Reply which could satisfy none;
S was the Station where passengers wait;
T was the Time that they're bound to be late;
U was the Up-train an hour overdue;
V was the Vagueness its movements pursue;
W stood for time's general Waste;
X for Ex-press that could never make haste;
Y for the Wherefore and Why of this wrong;
And Z for the Zanies who stand it so long!

* * * * *

STARTLING FOR GOURMETS.--"_Bisques_ disallowed." But it only refers to a
new rule of the Lawn Tennis Association; so "_Bisque d'ecrevisses_" will
still be preserved to us among the _embarras de richesse_--(_i.e._ the
trouble caused subsequently by the richness,--_free trans._)--of a
thoroughgoing French dinner.

* * * * *

THE NEW TUNE.

[Illustration: ]

_Le Brav' General tootles_:--

Heroes bold owe much to bold songs.
What's that? "Cannot sing the old songs"?
Pooh! 'Tis a Britannic ditty.
Truth, though, in it,--more's the pity!
"_En revenant de la Revue._"
People tire of that--too true!
I must give them something new.
Played out, Frenchmen? _Pas de danger!_
Whilst you've still your _Brav'_ BOULANGER!

Do they think BOULANGER "mizzles,"
After all his recent "fizzles"?
(Most expressive slang, the Yankee!)
_Pas si bete_, my friends. No thank ye!
Came a cropper? Very true!
But I remount--my hobby's new,
So's my trumpet. Rooey-too!
France go softly? _Pas de danger!_
Whilst she has her _Brav'_ BOULANGER!

Cannot say her looks quite flatter.
Rather scornful. What's the matter?
Have you lost your recent fancy
For me and my charger prancy?
Turn those eyes this way, now _do_!
Mark my hobby,--not a screw!
Listen to my _chanson_ new!
BISMARCK flout you? _Pas de danger!_
_He's_ afraid of _Brav'_ BOULANGER.

Of your smile be not so chary!
The sixteenth of February
Probably will prove my care is
The especial charge of Paris.
Then you'll know that I am true.
"_En revenant