g-sty Murder, which had
been done with some pointed instrument, probably an umbrella.

After that _The Daily Horror_ rang up and asked if he would contribute
an article to their series on "Is Bigamy Worth While?"

Having had enough rushing for one day John walked slowly out into the
street, trying to remember the various ways in which his characters had
committed suicide. He threw himself over the Embankment wall into the
river, but fell in a dinghy which he had not noticed; he bought some
poison, but the chemist recognised his face from a photograph in the
Literary Column of _The Druggist_ and gave him ipecacuanha (none of you
can spell that); he thought of cutting his throat, but broke his
thumb-nail trying to open the big blade, and gave it up. Desperate, he
decided to go home. At Victoria he was hustled along the platform on the
pretence that there is more room in the rear of trains. Finally he was
hustled on to the line and electrocuted.

And everybody said, "So it _was_ true."

A. P. H.

* * * * *

Illustration: "THERE BE MRS. ROUSE'S, OVER AGIN THE CHURCH. I BELIEVE
SHE DO PUT UP WITH LODGERS."

* * * * *

Commercial Candour.

From an Indian trade-circular:--

"We believe in making a Small Profit and selling Everybody rather
than making a Big Profit and selling only a Few."

* * * * *

"Wanted for Tea Estate, Nilgiris, good climate
Superintendent."--_Indian Paper._

We could do with one here, too.

* * * * *

"THE WANDERING JEW,
E. TEMPLE THURSTON'S WANDERFUL PLAY."

_Advt. in Daily Paper._

And still the wander grew.

* * * * *

"When the Prime Minister, accompanied by Mr. Lloyd George, appeared
a magnificent ovation was accorded them."--_Welsh Paper._

This tends to confirm the statements in the anti-Coalition Press that
the PRIME MINISTER was beside himself.

* * * * *

From an examination-paper at a girls' school:--

_Question._ Why are the days in summer longer than those in winter?

_Answer._ Because they are warmer and therefore expand.

* * * * *

Illustration: _Visitor._ "LUCKY TO FIND A HAIRDRESSER IN A SMALL
VILLAGE LIKE THIS."

_Native._ "WELL, BE RIGHTS IT'S MY SON'S BUSINESS AND 'E'S AWAY; BUT
I'VE DONE A WUNNERFUL