he dug at Dutch Gap.

* * * * *

Con by a Switch-tender.

Why is a railway accident like a dandy? Because it's death on the Ties.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BONED TURKEY.

_John Bull._ "WELL, NOW, THIS IS TOO BAD!--HERE'S THIS ROOSHAN FELLER
BEEN AND GOBBLED UP ALL THE TURKEY!"]

* * * * *

HIRAM GREEN'S FASHION REPORT.

The only Strictly Reliable Report on the Market.

A full-dressed girl of the Period, as she sails out for an afternoon
airin, looks like somethin as I imagine the north pole would, with a 1/2
dozen rainbows rapt about it. She is a sorter of a flag-staff, from
whose perpendicularity the ensines of all nations blows and flaps, and
any man base enuff to haul down one solitary flag will be shot on the
spot. _A far dixy_. Tellin the thing jest as it is, there's more
flummy-diddles and mushroon attachments to a woman's toggery nowadays
than there is honest men in Wall street.

Durin the past season, overskirts and p-an-ears have been looped up,
makin the fair secks look as if she was gettin her garments in trim to
leep over some frog-pond.

The only change in overskirts now, is that they have been let down a few
pegs, giving the fair wearer an appearance of havin landed safe on
tother side of the Pollywog Asilum, which she has been all summer waitin
to jump over.

LONG TRAILLIN DRESSES are agin comin into fashin, to the great detriment
of the legitimate okerpashon of street-sweepin.

I understand that MARK TWAIN endorses long traillin skirts, and compels
his new infant to wear 'em. How schockin!

JET TRIMMINS are agin to have a run. The United States Sennit will
probably _Read_ in a few black _orniments_ this winter.

SHAWL SOOTS are a pooty gay harniss, nowadays, to sling on. To make one,
get an old shawl, ram your head through the middle of it, then draw it
snug about the waist, with a cast-off nitecap string.

Yaller and red are becoming cullers for a broonet, says _Harper's
bazar_. The 15th amendment ladies will please take notiss and cultivate
yaller hair and red noses in the futer.

RED GLOVES are much worn, makin the fashinable bell's hands look like a
washer-woman's thumb on a frosty mornin.

Some pooty _desines_ have appeared in EAR RINGS, but the _desines_ of a
sertin strong-minded click of femails to _ring_ the _ears_ of their
lords and masters hain't endorsed in this ere report.