little soul, poor lonely soul!"
"I wish I could do something to help you, show you that there is a
higher, stronger support than any poor love of mine."
"But I don't want it--at least, not now. It doesn't appeal to me. I
don't want it, for if I tried to be better, I'd have to try to kill my
desire for you, and even if it gives me no happiness, I'd rather have
it than kill it. I couldn't relinquish it. It would be giving up the
only thing I have of you--my poor, unwanted wanting of you."
"What can I say? What can I do?" Michael was in despair. "How can I
help you?"
This humble, tearful Millicent made him wretched. He felt guilty and
unkind. He was the innocent cause of her unhappiness. It was not
possible to be human and remain untouched by her passion for himself.
Yet he knew that he must not allow her to know that, or how his heart
ached for her. Her spiritual loneliness horrified him. She had
absolutely nothing to turn to, nothing to rely upon. Her religious
observances were mere conventional occupations. And yet mixed up in
the woman there was a mental quality very rare and sympathetic, a
strange fitful brilliance, extremely pleasing. Once or twice on their
journey she had expressed the peculiar quality of the scenery in words
which were not far off prose poems. It had puzzled him to know how her
intellectual refinement could dwell in the same temple as her low
characteristics.
"I don't know, Mike." Her voice was very gentle. "I don't see how you
can help me."
"I can pray," he said. "I will pray. Perhaps that is where I have
been to blame. I have left you out of my prayers."
Millicent looked at him. Her eyes questioned.
"I have thought only of myself, my own safety, the keeping of my
thoughts pure and true to Meg, my fight for self-control."
"Oh, Mike!" Millicent's voice was crushed, envious.
"I should have tried to help you as well. We can all help each other
by prayers and thoughts and beliefs, belief in the kingdom of God which
is in us. I behaved as if you were not divine, Millicent."
"I'm not. How can I be divine? I am absolutely worldly--I've no wish
for your divine love!"
"Divinity is in you," he said. "It is yours, you cannot get away from
it." He paused. "You were ashamed just now--that was the light which
cannot be put out. Now, every day, I will try to be less selfish, I
will pray for you. Prayer will help to bring you into the light. Soon
you wil
|