of a house. I do _wish_ you
could ha' seen me, TOM!

_Tom_ (_philosophically_). Ah, well, I was very comfortable where I
was, settin' in the hotel room there, smoking my pipe. GREEN the Guide
gave us, "_Rocked in the Cradle of the Deep_," in first-rate style--he
is a _singer_, and no mistake!

_His Wife_. Lor, I wish I'd known he was going to sing--I'd ha' stayed
too! But here he is, waiting by the road for us--I do hope he's going
to sing again!

_Green the G._ (_mounting the car_). I fear I am an unwelcome visitor.

_The Eld. G._ (_graciously_). It would be the first time in your life
then, GREEN!

_G. the G._ Well, the fact is, I come to levy a little contribution on
behalf of myself and the Coachman. Times are hard, Gentlemen, and both
of us have large families to support. If you don't believe me, ask
the Coachman. (_The Elderly G. explains that his wrappings prevent
him from getting at his purse just then, while the others contribute
with more or less readiness and liberality_.) Many thanks. Ladies and
Gentlemen, on behalf of myself and the Coachman, and to express my
sense of your generosity, I will sing you the great Jersey National
Song, composed by myself, before leaving. (_He sings a ditty with the
following spirited Chorus_):--

There the streets are paved with granite. So neat and clean
And lots of pretty, witty girls, are always to be seen!
With the brave old Mi-litia, Our foes to defy!
And there they grow the Cabba-ges--Ten feet high!
(_All together, Gentlemen, please_!) Yes, there they grow the
Cabbages, there they grow the Cabbages, there they grow
the Cabbages--Ten feet high!

Thank you, Gentlemen, I've sung that song a number of times, and I
never remember hearing the chorus better sung. If you don't believe
me, ask the Coachman.

_Coachman._ _I've_ never 'eard it better sung, Ladies and Gentlemen,
I assure you.

[_GREEN the Guide descends in a blaze of popularity, and the
"Royal Blue" rolls on in excellent spirits._

* * * * *

POLITICAL TRAINING.

_Monday_.--Read Mr. CHAMBERLAIN's remarks on abstinence from bodily
exercise. Sold my bicycle, and gave away all my rackets, bats, &c.
Resolved to follow the latest system. Shall doubtless, by these means,
reach Mr. C.'s high position as a statesman and orator. Went out
in a Bath-chair. Five minutes after starting, man said he was not
accustomed to drag so heavy an inval