gh on the back with a large enough hammer he
_would_ snort white snorts from his mouth; and it's no use telling the
girl that she can't jump from realism to romance in that disingenuous
manner. Besides she might start hammering the wheels again. Or else
she would say that her horse _said_ he was snorting, and who am I to
contradict a British horse? I used to consider myself pretty good at
what are called back-answers and I still believe that with a little
practice I could hold my own in Whitechapel or the House of Commons,
but there are subtle transitions about Priscilla's method of argument
with which only a Prime Minister could cope. It carries too many guns
for me. It cramps my style.

V.

* * * * *

A CORNISH COTTAGE.

Beside the clock two spaniels stand,
Two china spaniels golden-spotted;
On a lace d'oyley (contraband)
Beams a red-faced geranium (potted).

Framed portraits rest on woollen mats,
Black-bearded smugglers with their spouses;
The gentlemen wear bowler hats,
The ladies sport their Sunday blouses.

Two pictures decorate the wall,
Vesuvius spouting sparks and ashes,
The brig _Calypso_ in a squall,
Full-sailed despite the lightning flashes.

Without, the dark Atlantic flings
Against the cliff its booming surges,
And, as a shell, the snug room rings
With its reverberating dirges.

Against the door the night winds rave
Like outcast dogs, their lot deploring;
Triumphant over wind and wave
Rises my landlord's lusty snoring.

PATLANDER.

* * * * *

"There was one summer when he lived by himself in a lonely old
houseboat on the Thames, from which he paddled himself ashore
every morning in a top-hat."--_Daily Paper._

The drawback to this kind of craft is that it only accommodates a
single skull.

* * * * *

[Illustration: MANNERS AND MODES.

MR. GILEAD P. BLOGGS (U.S.A.) ORDERS FOR HIS NEW DINING-ROOM AT
PITTSBURGH A COLOSSAL PICTURE REPRESENTING A HOSPITABLE SIDEBOARD, TO
KEEP ALIVE HIS MEMORIES OF "WET" AMERICA.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:

_Accused_ (_just dismissed_). "MANY THANKS! WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE
WITHOUT YOU?"

_Counsel._ "OH, ABOUT SIX MONTHS."]

* * * * *

LITTLE BITS OF LONDON.

BILLINGSGATE.

In order to see Billingsgate properly in