l beholders by the sprightliness of her singing and dancing.
No reason to fear the disruption of the Empire at present.

* * * * *

KICKED!

(_By the Foot of Clara Groomley._)

CHAPTER I.

[Illustration: She looked charming.]

I HAD come back from India. I was in Southampton. Only a few months
before I had been teaching whist to the natives on the banks of the
Ganges, and I had made my fortune out of the Indian rubber. I wonder if
they remember the great Sahib who always had seven trumps and only one
other suit. Tailoring is in its infancy over there, and the natives
frequently had no suit at all. I had not placed my money in the Ganges
banks, because they are notoriously unsafe. I had brought it with me to
Southampton. I was rich, but solitary. Yet I was a dashing young fellow,
especially in my printed conversation. When it rained, I said "dee."
Just smack your lips over the delightful wickedness of it, and then
proceed.

There was nothing to do. I couldn't go to Ryde, although the waiter
assured me it was a pleasant trip. Neither did I care to go for a walk.
The situation was at a dead-lock, and I said so.

"Well," said the waiter, "there's the quay."

So I went to the quay. I heard a sweet young voice remark, "What a
shocking bad hat!" I fell in love with her at once. She was with a
governess--obviously French--who remonstrated.

"'Ush! Naughty! Signor will overhear you, Mees SMITH. Then I give you
spanks."

"Well, he shouldn't wear such a bad hat, Mademoiselle."

I was just turning round to introduce myself, when I saw that they had
both stepped on to the steamer. I followed them. The French Governess
seemed to be in doubt about the boat.

"Antelope of the western horizon," she said, to a surly onlooker, "I
will give you three piastres and a French halfpenny if you have ze
goodness to tell me if this is ze Ryde steamer."

"How the dickens am I to know whether it's the right steamer or not,
when I don't know where you're going to?" asked the man.

I knocked him down at once, and as he rose to return the compliment my
hat fell off. Miss SMITH caught it on the tip of her toe as it was
falling, sent it twenty feet into the air, caught it again in her large
beautiful hands, and pressed it firmly down over my eyes.

In the wilds of Assam one gets unused to the grand freedom and cultured
geniality of English ladies. I hardly knew what to do, but I extricated
myself slowly