pered in my ear, "He is a great society swell."
I have never seen anything of what is called society: I was not born
with a title to admission within its circle, and I have always been
too proud to seek it; yet I confess I have a curiosity to see what it
is like. I suppose I should see the best result that the old way of
looking at women can produce--the pink-cotton system, I call it.
I don't believe that man would ever dream of contradicting me in a
question of fact, or of using his strongest logical weapons against
me in a discussion: he would only play with me mentally. How angry the
very thought makes me! And yet he would defer to my opinion, and
pay me all respect, and listen to everything I said, however silly,
because I am a woman. What a strange, inconsistent mingling of
discordant ideas! A toy and a divinity! His manners were, however,
very agreeable: I suppose he is what is called a man of the world.
Rather a poor thing to be: his manners are dearly bought. He said
something about his cousin Mrs. Fordyce calling on me. Well, if she
does, I shall perhaps have a glimpse at the _beau monde_. I wonder if
all the men in society look as high-bred as he does? He is probably
narrow-minded naturally, but he is one result of our scheme of
civilization, which has its good as well as its bad points. Dear me!
I certainly did not mean to make an analysis of Mr. Lawrence's
character. Good-night, my little book!

_Nov_. 20. I cannot write to-night, and yet I must, I must. My head
is bursting with thoughts and visions, my heart is swelling with new
sensations. What an evening I have had! I shall never, never think
myself courageous again. I, who have faced crowds with calmness, to
quail before forty or fifty men and women, not one of whom was more
intelligent or better educated than myself! But let me write it out if
I can. I accepted Mrs. Fordyce's invitation to a little party. It
was graciously given, and I, fool that I was, thought it was to do
me honor that I was asked. I did not know then that these women of
society will commit a baseness for a new sensation or to gratify an
emotion of curiosity. I have been so admired, so looked up to by the
men who have surrounded me, I never dreamed of being the object of
mere curiosity or amusement. Well, I went. The room was half full of
men and women, talking, laughing, moving about. I was alone, and from
the moment of my entrance into that blaze of light I felt lonely and
weak; bu