two or three river-pilots
who saw me do creditable things in those ancient days; and several
white-headed engineers; and several roustabouts and mates; and several
deck-hands who used to heave the lead for me and send up on the
still night the "Six--feet--SCANT!" that made me shudder, and the
"M-a-r-k--TWAIN!" that took the shudder away, and presently the darling
"By the d-e-e-p--FOUR!" that lifted me to heaven for joy. (1) They know
about me, and can tell. And so do printers, from St. Louis to New York;
and so do newspaper reporters, from Nevada to San Francisco. And so
do the police. If Shakespeare had really been celebrated, like me,
Stratford could have told things about him; and if my experience goes
for anything, they'd have done it.

1. Four fathoms--twenty-four feet.

VII

If I had under my superintendence a controversy appointed to decide
whether Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare or not, I believe I would place
before the debaters only the one question, WAS SHAKESPEARE EVER A
PRACTICING LAWYER? and leave everything else out.

It is maintained that the man who wrote the plays was not merely
myriad-minded, but also myriad-accomplished: that he not only knew some
thousands of things about human life in all its shades and grades, and
about the hundred arts and trades and crafts and professions which
men busy themselves in, but that he could TALK about the men and their
grades and trades accurately, making no mistakes. Maybe it is so, but
have the experts spoken, or is it only Tom, Dick, and Harry? Does the
exhibit stand upon wide, and loose, and eloquent generalizing--which is
not evidence, and not proof--or upon details, particulars, statistics,
illustrations, demonstrations?

Experts of unchallengeable authority have testified definitely as to
only one of Shakespeare's multifarious craft-equipments, so far as
my recollections of Shakespeare-Bacon talk abide with me--his
law-equipment. I do not remember that Wellington or Napoleon ever
examined Shakespeare's battles and sieges and strategies, and then
decided and established for good and all that they were militarily
flawless; I do not remember that any Nelson, or Drake, or Cook ever
examined his seamanship and said it showed profound and accurate
familiarity with that art; I don't remember that any king or prince
or duke has ever testified that Shakespeare was letter-perfect in
his handling of royal court-manners and the talk and manners of
aristoc