knowest what's about right, Lord. Now do
it!"

* * * * *

Tuesday

8 A.M.--Nurse gives me an alcohol bath.

8.30--She takes my pulse and temperature and enters them in the
Bedside Record Book, afterwards reading me my diet-list. It seems I do
not belong to the favored class, which, to be cured, is stuffed with
pleasant things to eat; my symptoms demand a simple, unexciting bill
of fare.

9 o'clock--Breakfast.

Fruit in season.

(This is its only name, but everybody knows it
by sight.)

Poweretta Grits with Cream.
Graham Muffins.
Wheatoata Process Coffee.

10.30--Hot fomentations.

11.15--Drop of blood extracted from ear and subjected to examination.

11.30--Glass of Certified Milk.

12--Visit from physician.

1--Dinner.

Barley Broth.
Lamb Chop--Hominy or Rice.
Bread-and-butter Pudding
Custard Sauce.

2 to 3--Silent hour.

3.30--Static electricity.

4.15--Weight taken.

4.30--Cold pack.

5--Cup of Predigested Maltese Milk.

5.30--Visit from head nurse.

6.30--Supper.

Cornetta Mush.
Poached Egg on Whole-Wheat Toast.
Sterilized Stewed Apples--Zephyrettes.
Cup of Somnolina.
(A beverage from which everything pleasant and
harmful has been extracted by a beneficent process.)

7.30--Miss Blossom, the nurse, insists on reading to me. It is not a
good performance but it doesn't matter. I know that Dick and Amy
Darling are just starting for the theater.

8.30--Tepid sponge bath.

9--Massage.

9.30--Glass of peptonized water.

9.45--Temperature and pulse taken.

10--Lights out.

Never in all my twenty-five years of life have I passed a busier or
more exhausting day.

* * * * *

Wednesday

Precisely like Tuesday save for some new experiences in diet. There
was a mild process-drink called Cocoatina; Teaette also made its
appearance. There were dolls' mattresses of shredded excelsior
moistened with milk; nut salad, and Grahamata mush. I could never have
supposed so many new cereals could be invented.

There is mush in the evening, mush in the morning,
Mush when it's looked for and mush without warning.

It is rather like the immortal "Charge of the Light Brigade":

Oats to the right of them,
Corn to the left of them,