Weaned by the witchery of COLE.

Students however slack or yawny
Grow tense beneath the spell of TAWNEY;
Footballers score goal after goal,
Trained in the principles of COLE.

The shrimp grows positively prawny
On list'ning to the voice of TAWNEY;
While upward shoots the blindest mole
Beneath the airy tread of COLE.

There's something thrilling--Colleen-Bawny--
About the articles of TAWNEY;
And no one can so grandly toll
The knell of Capital as COLE.

As Cornwall rallied to TRELAWNY
So Labour rallies to its TAWNEY;
And miners find a "better 'ole"
Provided by the creed of COLE.

* * * * *

"Our evening congregations have more than doubled in two months. _Sans
Deo!_"

_Parish Magazine._

We don't wonder that two foreign languages were required to veil this
shocking observation.

* * * * *

From a feuilleton ("dramatic, kinema and all other rights secured"):--

"So he just shook hands all round, and took off his coat, and lit a
cigar, and laughed when Betty Cardon pointed out that he had put the
wrong end of it in his mouth."--_Daily Paper._

This incident should "film" well.

* * * * *

SHOULD AUTHORS PUBLISH THEIR OWN PORTRAITS?

[Mr. Punch herewith disclaims all intention of quoting the title of
any actual book.]

[Illustration: "A LATTER-DAY LOTHARIO."]

[Illustration: "THE YOUNG CHARMERS."]

[Illustration: "MY LIFE-WORK IN THE
SLUMS."]

[Illustration: "THE WOMAN WITH A PURPLE PAST."]

[Illustration: "THE LYRE OF LOVE."]

[Illustration: "HALF-HOURS WITH BUNYAN."]

[Illustration: "COURT LIFE FROM THE INSIDE."]

[Illustration: "STAGE DEPORTMENT FOR AMATEURS."]

[Illustration: "WHAT PHYSICAL CULTURE HAS
DONE FOR ME."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: BEHIND THE SCENES IN CINEMA-LAND.

"MY DEAR MISS MONTEITH, COULDN'T YOU GIVE US A MORE APPROPRIATE EXPRESSION?
DON'T FORGET YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STEPPING FROM THE TOP OF ONE SKY-SCRAPER
TO ANOTHER, SO DO TRY AND LOOK JUST A LITTLE PEEVISH."]

* * * * *

SEASIDE ISSUES.

"This summer," said Suzanne, "we must take the bull by the forelock."

"Dearest wife," I cried, "at your age you must not dream of joining in such
dangerous sports. Besides I don't think the summer is quite the season for
Spain."

"Who's tal