irst thing I would have 'em make that old man do would be to
empty out his pockets, turn 'em right inside out and empty out all the
accursed gains he had got from this shameful traffic. And then I'd have
them cannibals jest trot that old man right round to every saloon and
rum-hole he had rented and wuz a partner in the proceeds, and make him
lay to and empty out every barrel and hogset of whiskey and beer and
cider, and make him do the luggin' and liftin' his own self.

"And then I'd let them Hottentots drive him round a spell to all the
houses of infamy in which he wuz in partnership, and I'd make him haul
some matches out of his pockets and set fire to 'em, and burn 'em all
down, every one of 'em.

"And then I'd let the old man set down and rest a spell, and let them
heathens instruct him and teach him a spell their way of man-eatin'. And
I'll bet after a while they could git the old man up to their level, so
if he sot out to kill a man, he would jest kill him, and not destroy his
soul first. For he hain't upon a level with 'em now," sez I, a-lookin'
firm and decided at my pardner.

And he sez, "I shouldn't think you would dast to talk so about Uncle
Sam; you have always pretended to like him--you would never bear to hear
a word agin him."

"Wall," sez I, "it is because I like him that I want him to do right. Do
you spoze a mother don't like a child when she spanks him for temper, or
blisters him for croup, or gives him worm-wood for worms?

"I love that old man, and wish him awful well, and when I see him so
noble and sot up in lots of things, it jest makes me mad as a hen to
see him so awful mean and little in others.

[Illustration: "I love that old man, and wish him awful well."]

"I wouldn't think I liked him half so well if I sot down and see him
stalk right on to his own ruin, and not try to stop him.

"Do you spoze a ma would set and let the child she loved throw himself
into the fire because he got mad? No; she would haul him back, and the
more he kicked and struggled the more she would hang on, and like as not
spank him.

"I want this country to be the Light of the World, the favored of
Heaven, and the admiration of all the different nations that will camp
round it at the Christopher Columbus Exhibition. But they can't be
expected to uphold no such doin's as these, let alone admirin' of 'em."

Sez Josiah, "It beats all how wimmen will run on if a man gits drunk.
Why don't you pitch into him, in