r if I
might go, but being positively denied, I concluded to go without his
knowledge. When I reached home my mother was away. I set off and
walked twenty miles before I found her. I staid with her for several
days, and we returned together. Next day I was sent back to my new
place, which renewed my sorrow. At parting, my mother told me that I
had "nobody in the wide world to look to but God." These words fell
upon my heart with ponderous weight, and seemed to add to my grief. I
went back repeating as I went, "none but God in the wide world." On
reaching the farm, I found the overseer was displeased at me for going
without his liberty. He tied me with a rope, and gave me some stripes
of which I carried the marks for weeks.

After this time, finding as my mother said, I had none in the world to
look to but God, I betook myself to prayer, and in every lonely place
I found an altar. I mourned sore like a dove and chattered forth my
sorrow, moaning in the corners of the field, and under the fences.

I continued in this state for about six months, feeling as though my
head were waters, and I could do nothing but weep. I lost my appetite,
and not being able to take enough food to sustain nature, I became so
weak I had but little strength to work; still I was required to do all
my duty. One evening, after the duties of the day were ended, I
thought I could not live over the night, so threw myself on a bench,
expecting to die, and without being prepared to meet my Maker; and my
spirit cried within me, must I die in this state, and be banished from
Thy presence forever? I own I am a sinner in Thy sight, and not fit to
live where thou art. Still it was my fervent desire that the Lord
would pardon me. Just at this season, I saw with my spiritual eye, an
awful gulf of misery. As I thought I was about to plunge into it, I
heard a voice saying, "rise up and pray," which strengthened me. I
fell on my knees and prayed the best I could the Lord's prayer.
Knowing no more to say, I halted, but continued on my knees. My spirit
was then _taught_ to pray, "Lord, have mercy on me--Christ save me."
Immediately there appeared a director, clothed in white raiment. I
thought he took me by the hand and said, "come with me." He led me
down a long journey to a fiery gulf, and left me standing upon the
brink of this awful pit. I began to scream for mercy, thinking I was
about to be plunged to the belly of hell, and believed I should sink
to endless