ud for some
time, and endeavoured to keep silence; but I could not quench the
Spirit. I was rejected by the elders and rulers, as Christ was
rejected by the Jews before me, and while others were excused in
crimes of the darkest dye, I was hunted down in every place where I
appointed a meeting. Wading through many sorrows, I thought at times I
might as well be banished from this life, as to feel the Almighty
drawing me one way, and man another; so that I was tempted to cast
myself into the dock. But contemplating the length of eternity, and
how long my sufferings would be in that unchangeable world, compared
with this, if I endured a little longer, the Lord was pleased to
deliver me from this gloomy, melancholy state in his own time; though
while this temptation lasted I roved up and down, and talked and
prayed.

I often felt that I was unfit to assemble with the congregation with
whom I had gathered, and had sometimes been made to rejoice in the
Lord. I felt that I was despised on account of this gracious calling,
and was looked upon as a speckled bird by the ministers to whom I
looked for instruction, and to whom I resorted every opportunity for
the same; but when I would converse with them, some would cry out,
"You are an enthusiast;" and others said, "the Discipline did not
allow of any such division of the work;" until I began to think I
surely must be wrong. Under this reflection, I had another gloomy
cloud to struggle through; but after awhile I felt much moved upon by
the Spirit of the Lord, and meeting with an aged sister, I found upon
conversing with her that she could sympathize with me in this
spiritual work. She was the first one I had met with, who could fully
understand my exercises. She offered to open her house for a meeting,
and run the risk of all the church would do to her for it. Many were
afraid to open their houses in this way, lest they should be turned
out of the church.

I persevered, notwithstanding the opposition of those who were looked
upon as higher and wiser. The meeting was appointed, and but few came.
I felt much backwardness, and as though I could not pray, but a
pressure upon me to arise and express myself by way of exhortation.
After hesitating for some time whether I would take up the cross or
no, I arose, and after expressing a few words, the Spirit came upon me
with life, and a victory was gained over the power of darkness, and we
could rejoice together in His love.

As for my