cap paper of the Circumlocution Office.

Numbers of people were lost in the Circumlocution Office. Unfortunates
with wrongs, or with projects for the general welfare (and they had
better have had wrongs at first, than have taken that bitter English
recipe for certainly getting them), who in slow lapse of time and agony
had passed safely through other public departments; who, according to
rule, had been bullied in this, over-reached by that, and evaded by
the other; got referred at last to the Circumlocution Office, and
never reappeared in the light of day. Boards sat upon them, secretaries
minuted upon them, commissioners gabbled about them, clerks registered,
entered, checked, and ticked them off, and they melted away. In short,
all the business of the country went through the Circumlocution Office,
except the business that never came out of it; and its name was Legion.

Sometimes, angry spirits attacked the Circumlocution Office. Sometimes,
parliamentary questions were asked about it, and even parliamentary
motions made or threatened about it by demagogues so low and ignorant as
to hold that the real recipe of government was, How to do it. Then would
the noble lord, or right honourable gentleman, in whose department it
was to defend the Circumlocution Office, put an orange in his pocket,
and make a regular field-day of the occasion. Then would he come down to
that house with a slap upon the table, and meet the honourable gentleman
foot to foot. Then would he be there to tell that honourable gentleman
that the Circumlocution Office not only was blameless in this matter,
but was commendable in this matter, was extollable to the skies in this
matter. Then would he be there to tell that honourable gentleman that,
although the Circumlocution Office was invariably right and wholly
right, it never was so right as in this matter. Then would he be there
to tell that honourable gentleman that it would have been more to his
honour, more to his credit, more to his good taste, more to his good
sense, more to half the dictionary of commonplaces, if he had left the
Circumlocution Office alone, and never approached this matter. Then
would he keep one eye upon a coach or crammer from the Circumlocution
Office sitting below the bar, and smash the honourable gentleman with
the Circumlocution Office account of this matter. And although one
of two things always happened; namely, either that the Circumlocution
Office had nothing to say and