ailed," I said, "I have lost
myself--would it had been my shadow." I looked round: the shadow was
nowhere to be seen. Ere long, I learned that it was not myself, but
only my shadow, that I had lost. I learned that it is better, a
thousand-fold, for a proud man to fall and be humbled, than to hold up
his head in his pride and fancied innocence. I learned that he that will
be a hero, will barely be a man; that he that will be nothing but a doer
of his work, is sure of his manhood. In nothing was my ideal lowered, or
dimmed, or grown less precious; I only saw it too plainly, to set myself
for a moment beside it. Indeed, my ideal soon became my life; whereas,
formerly, my life had consisted in a vain attempt to behold, if not my
ideal in myself, at least myself in my ideal. Now, however, I took, at
first, what perhaps was a mistaken pleasure, in despising and degrading
myself. Another self seemed to arise, like a white spirit from a dead
man, from the dumb and trampled self of the past. Doubtless, this self
must again die and be buried, and again, from its tomb, spring a winged
child; but of this my history as yet bears not the record.

Self will come to life even in the slaying of self; but there is ever
something deeper and stronger than it, which will emerge at last from
the unknown abysses of the soul: will it be as a solemn gloom, burning
with eyes? or a clear morning after the rain? or a smiling child, that
finds itself nowhere, and everywhere?

CHAPTER XXIII

"High erected thought, seated in a heart of courtesy."
SIR PHILIP SIDNEY.

"A sweet attractive kinde of grace,
A full assurance given by lookes,
Continuall comfort in a face,
The lineaments of Gospel bookes."
MATTHEW ROYDON, on Sir Philip Sidney.

I had not gone far, for I had but just lost sight of the hated tower,
when a voice of another sort, sounding near or far, as the trees
permitted or intercepted its passage, reached me. It was a full, deep,
manly voice, but withal clear and melodious. Now it burst on the ear
with a sudden swell, and anon, dying away as suddenly, seemed to come to
me across a great space. Nevertheless, it drew nearer; till, at last, I
could distinguish the words of the song, and get transient glimpses of
the singer, between the columns of the trees. He came nearer, dawning
upon me like a growing tho