arsely.

"Oh! _liebes Fraeulein_----" began the director, positively scared by my
pale face and furious eyes, "_Of course_ we don't want you to sing when
you are so hoarse. Doctor---- was quite mistaken; please go home and
take care of yourself. We'll get a guest for the _Nurse_ at once!"

"Very well," I said, "I will go home if you say so; but remember
Doctor---- says I can sing, and I am ready to do so on his
responsibility."

I went back after my illness to see the director, who to my surprise
began to attack me violently about my absence. He stormed, and thumped
the desk, and would listen to nothing I said. I tried to tell him he had
no right to speak to me in that way, as I had really been ill, and had
always done my duty when well. He raved back that I had _not_ done my
duty, and it seemed to me so futile to argue, that I walked out without
answering and left him raving. I went home and stayed there for five
days, and at the end of that time the director sent his secretary "to
explain" and ask me to return to my duty. It was an awkward interview
for him, poor man, so I let him off easily, graciously accepted the
somewhat disguised apology, and, as I was quite recovered and eager to
sing again, signified my willingness to appear the following night.

To return to my first contract.--There was a formidable list of roles
which I must agree to have ready, and the director also insisted on my
studying with a certain well-known woman teacher in Berlin! I conveyed
to him as well as I could, that I would settle all this with my agent,
as I had no intention of agreeing to all of it, and was afraid to trust
my German to say so diplomatically. He added, "Of course you are too
good for us, Fraeulein." This was the second time I had been told I was
too good for an engagement. Every one seemed to think I ought to aim at
a secondary position in one of the big opera houses, rather than a
leading one in a smaller place. The prospect of singing pages or
confidants in a capital city, with perhaps one good role in a season,
did not meet my needs at all; but no one seemed to sympathize with my
ideas. I wanted to make a career in Germany, as if I were a German
singer, having my own recognized place in the opera house in which I was
engaged, singing the big roles by right, without intriguing or fighting
for them.

On returning to Berlin, I wrote to Herr Harder that I would learn a
certain specified number of roles in addition to th