putting on R.S.V.P. I knew I was right, and I
shall always do it, I don't care what _you_ say."

Campbell: "You didn't put on R.S.V.P. after all I said?" He looks round
the edge of his paper at her.

Mrs. Campbell: "_Yes_, I did. The idea of your setting up for an
authority in such a thing as that!"

Campbell: "Then I'm sorry I didn't ask you to do it. It's a shame to
make people say whether they'll come to a garden-party from four till
seven or not."

Mrs. Campbell: "A shame? How can you provide if you don't know how many
are coming? I should like to know that. But of course I couldn't expect
you to give in gracefully."

Campbell: "I should give in gracefully if I gave in at all, but I
don't." He throws his paper down beside his chair. "Here, hand over the
letters, and I'll be opening them for you while you pour out the
coffee."

Mrs. Campbell, covering the letters with her hands: "Indeed you won't!"

Campbell: "Well, pour out the coffee, then, anyway."

Mrs. Campbell, after a moment's reflection: "No, I shall not do it. I'm
going to open them every one before you get a drop of coffee--just to
punish you."

Campbell: "To punish me? For what?" Mrs. Campbell hesitates, as if at a
loss what to say. "There! you don't know."

Mrs. Campbell: "Yes, I do: for saying I oughtn't to have put on R.S.V.P.
Do you take it back?"

Campbell: "How can I till I've had some coffee? My mind won't work on an
empty stomach. Well--" He rises and goes round the table towards her.

Mrs. Campbell, spreading both arms over the letters: "Willis, if you
dare to touch them, I'll ring for Jane, and then she'll see you cutting
up."

Campbell: "Touch what? I'm coming to get some coffee."

Mrs. Campbell: "Well, I'll give you some coffee; but don't you touch a
single one of those letters--after what you've said."

Campbell: "All right!" He extends one hand for the coffee, and with the
other sweeps all the letters together, and starts back to his place. As
she flies upon him, "Look out, Amy; you'll make me spill this coffee all
over the table-cloth."

Mrs. Campbell, sinking into her seat: "Oh, Willis, how can you be so
base? _Give_ me my letters. _Do!_"

Campbell, sorting them over: "You may have half."

Mrs. Campbell: "No; I shall have all. I insist upon it."

Campbell: "Well, then, you may have all the ladies' letters. There are
twice as many of them."

Mrs. Campbell: "No; I shall have the men's, too. Give me the men's
first."