ell, what's the news?"

"That if we want any coal we shall have to fetch it ourselves. And we
can get it in small amounts from greengrocers. Why greengrocers, I don't
know."

"I suppose they have to have fires to force the cabbages. But what about
the striking coal porters? If you do their job, won't they picket you or
pickaxe you or something?"

"Oh, of course, I should hate to go alone. But I shall be all right if
you come with me."

Celia's faith in me is very touching. I am not quite so confident about
myself. No doubt I could protect her easily against five or six great
brawny hulking porters ... armed with coal-hammers ... but I am
seriously doubtful whether a dozen or so, aided with a little luck,
mightn't get the better of me.

"Don't let us be rash," I said thoughtfully. "Don't let us infuriate
them."

"You aren't afraid of a striker?" asked Celia in amazement.

"Of an ordinary striker, no. In a strike of bank-clerks, or--or
chess-players, or professional skeletons, I should be a lion among the
blacklegs; but there is something about the very word coal porter
which---- You know, I really think this is a case where the British Army
might help us. We have been very good to it."

The British Army, I should explain, has been walking out with Jane
lately. When we go away for week-ends we let the British Army drop in to
supper. Luckily it neither smokes nor drinks nor takes any great
interest in books. It is a great relief, on your week-ends in the
country, to _know_ that the British Army is dropping in to supper, when
otherwise you might only have suspected it. I may say that we are rather
hoping to get a position in the Army Recruiting film on the strength of
this hospitality.

"Let the British Army go," I said. "We've been very kind to him."

"I fancy Jane has left the service. I don't know why."

"Probably they quarrelled because she gave him caviare two nights
running," I said. "Well, I suppose I shall have to go. But it will be no
place for women. To-morrow afternoon I will sally forth alone to do it.
But," I added, "I shall probably return with two coal porters clinging
round my neck. Order tea for three."

Next evening, after a warm and busy day at the office, I put on my
top-hat and tail-coat and went out. If there was any accident I was
determined to be described in the papers as "the body of a well-dressed
man"; to go down to history as "the remains of a shabbily dressed
individual" would b