.

"Ah," he said, as I finished tying my tie; and he got up from the desk
where he had been making notes of my disastrous case, and came over to
me. "There is just one thing more. Sit down."

I sat down.

"Now cross your knees."

I crossed my knees. He bent over me and gave me a sharp tap below the
knee with the side of his hand.

My chest may have disappointed him.... He may have disliked my back....
Possibly I was a complete failure with my pulses.... But I knew the
knee-trick.

This time he should not be disappointed.

I was taking no risks. Almost before his hand reached my knee, my foot
shot out and took him fairly under the chin. His face suddenly
disappeared.

"I haven't got _that_ disease," I said cheerily.

BACHELOR RELICS

"Do you happen to want," I said to Henry, "an opera hat that doesn't op?
At least it only works on one side."

"No," said Henry.

"To any one who buys my opera hat for a large sum I am giving away four
square yards of linoleum, a revolving book-case, two curtain rods, a
pair of spring-grip dumb-bells, and an extremely patent mouse-trap."

"No," said Henry again.

"The mouse-trap," I pleaded, "is unused. That is to say, no mouse has
used it yet. My mouse-trap has never been blooded."

"I don't want it myself," said Henry, "but I know a man who does."

"Henry, you know everybody. For Heaven's sake introduce me to your
friend. Why does he particularly want a mouse-trap?"

"He doesn't. He wants anything that's old. Old clothes, old carpets,
anything that's old he'll buy."

He seemed to be exactly the man I wanted.

"Introduce me to your fellow clubman," I said firmly.

That evening I wrote to Henry's friend, Mr. Bennett. "Dear Sir," I
wrote, "if you would call upon me to-morrow I should like to show you
some really old things, all genuine antiques. In particular I would call
your attention to an old opera hat of exquisite workmanship and a
mouse-trap of chaste and handsome design. I have also a few yards of
Queen Anne linoleum of a circular pattern which I think will please you.
My James the First spring-grip dumb-bells and Louis Quatorze
curtain-rods are well known to connoisseurs. A genuine old cork bedroom
suite, comprising one bath-mat, will also be included in the sale. Yours
faithfully."

On second thoughts I tore the letter up and sent Mr. Bennett a postcard
asking him to favour the undersigned with a call at 10.30 prompt. And at
10.30 prompt he