MY FRIEND'S UP FROM THE COUNTRY AND HE'S NEVER SEEN
ONE."]

* * * * *

A LIGHT REPAST.

"Under existing conditions, it is the duty of every citizen to
confine his present consumption to an average of six matches
a day, which with careful economy ought to suffice for all
reasonable meals during the present emergency."--_Daily Mail_.

* * * * *

"At Leeds Assizes yesterday sentences were passed by Mr. Justice
Boche ..."--_Times_.

Does not this almost amount to contempt of court?

* * * * *

From a speech by the Lord Mayor of DUBLIN:--

"That would he a crying evil, to leave the poor people in the city
without milk. It would be a wise thing if the Corporation would
take the bull by the horns and deal with the matter."--_Dublin
Evening Mail_.

It might be still wiser to tackle the cow at the udder end.

* * * * *

THE INCORRUPTIBLES.

[Herr SCHAEFF, writing in the _Taegliche Rundschau_ on the spiritual
grandeur of Germany, declares that the degradation of her enemies
will not prevent her doing honour to those dauntless men who in
enemy and neutral countries have stood for truth and actualities.
"The time will come when we shall mention their names and call
them our friends. After the War we shall do homage to these men
and to their incorruptible conduct. We shall erect monumental
brasses in their honour. They are heroes, and their memories shall
be consecrated."]

A literary spokesman of the Huns
Pays liberal homage to those "dauntless" sons
Of hostile nations, who have all along
Maintained their fellow-countrymen were wrong.
No guerdon for their courage is too great,
But, till the War is ended, they must wait;
Then shall Germania, with grateful soul,
Inscribe their names upon her golden roll;
And "monumental brasses" shall attest
The zeal wherewith they strove to foul their nest.

Such homage no one grudges them in lands
Where eulogy for deep damnation stands;
But in the Motherland they still infest
How shall we treat this matricidal pest?
No torture, not the worst their patrons use
On starving women or on shipwrecked crews,
No pain however bitter would requite
Their transcendental infamy aright.

Death in whatever form were all too mild
For those who at the