n the inflammatory stage again. At length I
got better, but with a gleet which wetted the tail of my shirt through
daily; doctors advised me to get a change of air, I went to my aunt's
place in H..tf..dshire where I took cold baths, and did all I could to
get myself well,--I was forbidden to touch a woman until permitted by
the doctor.

Touch women I did not, think of them I did eternally, and deplored the
time that I was wasting. I used to look at my female cousins, and long
for them; my aunt whose flabby, brown-haired, thick-lipped furrow I
glanced at in my boyhood I used to think about and should not have
hesitated in getting a pleasure up it, had no other cunt been ready for
me. I eyed the farm-women (coarse, strong, healthy bitches) with lust
that made them look beauties in my longing eyes, I was boiling over
with spunk, at the closet one day my turds were hard, and hurt me; the
irritation affected my ballocks, my prick stiffened rigidly, I could
not piss for it, the tip looked dry, as if gleet had ceased, I merely
touched the top (not frigged), and out shot my sperm as I sat on the
privy seat. What a relief! but what a loss of pleasure not to have
injected into some dear little cunt nicked in some smooth white bum! My
prick seemed quite well, and I wanted to go into the fields to get hold
of some girl doing field-work, or any woman, old or young, who had a
cunt available; so I went to town to see my medical man about it. He
pointed out to me how needful it was to restrain myself, I followed his
advice, in two weeks was much better, and had determined to go to town
to see him again about it, when I got well without him.

Some years before I had seen a farm-girl whose name was Pender, a fine
lass with a merry face, and lightish brown hair; she must then I suppose
have been about seventeen years old. From ogling and laughing, I got to
kissing, with that she was pleased enough, and often I think put herself
in my way to get it; a pinch on the bum she did not resent. Thinking all
safe, I one day poked her near to her notch, and she only saying, "Adun
now sir, do," my hand went up her petticoats, I struggled with her, and
we both fell on the grass near a barn, when my fingers touched her cunt.
She set up a yell, my fingers were stained with her monthlies (not the
only time that has occured in my life), she sat for a minute crying,
then walked away, leaving me in fear lest she should tell my aunt.
She never did, but avo