iously draughty
place. I feel as if it had been blowing hot and cold on me all the time
I have been here, and yet you have no windows open."

At another time my comrade burst out as I was going away one evening
about eleven o'clock to a reception at one of the palaces: "I wish you
wouldn't go in for society so much. I can't go to the cafe; all the
fellows go home about this time of the evening. I don't like to stay
here in this dismal hole all cooped up by myself. I can't read, I can't
sleep, and I can't think."

It occurred to me that it was a little queer for him to object to being
left alone, unless he, like myself, had some disagreeable experiences
there, and I remembered that he had usually gone out when I had, and was
seldom, if ever, alone in the studio when I returned. His tone was so
peevish and impatient that I thought discussion was injudicious, and
simply replied, "Oh, you're bilious; I'll be home early," and went away.
I have often thought since that it was the one occasion when I could
have easily broached the subject of my mental trouble, and I have always
regretted I did not do so.

Matters were brought to a climax in this way: My friend was summoned to
America by telegraph a little more than two months after we took the
studio, and left me at a day's notice. The amount and kind of moral
courage I had to summon up before I could go home alone the first
evening after my comrade left me can only be appreciated by those who
have undergone some similar torture. It was not like the bracing up a
man goes through when he has to face some imminent known danger, but was
of a more subtle and complex kind. "There is nothing to fear," I kept
saying to myself, and yet I could not shake off a nameless dread. "You
are in your right mind and have all your senses," I continually argued,
"for you see and hear and reason clearly enough. It is a brief
hallucination, and you can conquer the mental weakness which causes it
by persistent strength of will. If it be a simulacrum, you as a
practical man, with good physical health and sound enough reasoning
powers, ought to investigate it to the best of your ability." In this
way I endeavored to nerve myself up, and went home late, as usual. The
regular incident of the night occurred. I felt keenly the loss of my
friend's companionship, and suffered accordingly, but in the morning I
was no nearer to the solution of the mystery than I was before.

For five weary, torturing nigh