Alle this, and much more, as tedious to heare as to write, did I listen
to, firste with flagging Attention, next with concealed
Wearinesse;--and as Wearinesse, if indulged, never _is_ long concealed,
it soe chanced, by Ill-luck, that Mr. _Milton_, suddainlie turning his
Eyes from Heaven upon poor me, caughte, I can scarcelie expresse how
slighte, an Indication of Discomforte in my Face; and instantlie a
Cloud crossed his owne, though as thin as that through which the Sun
shines while it floats over him. Oh, 'twas not of a Moment! and yet
_in that Moment_ we seemed eache to have seene the other, though but at
a Glance, under new Circumstances:--as though two Persons at a
Masquerade had just removed their Masques and put them on agayn. This
gave me my seconde Pang:--I felt I had given him Payn; and though he
made as though he forgot it directly, and I tooke Payns to make him
forget it, I coulde never be quite sure whether he had.

. . . My Spiritts were soe dashed by this, and by learning his Age to
be soe much more than I had deemed it, (for he is thirty-five! who
coulde have thoughte it?) that I had, thenceforthe, the Aire of being
much more discreete and pensive than belongeth to my Nature; whereby he
was, perhaps, well pleased. As I became more grave he became more gay;
soe that we met eache other, as it were, half-way, and became righte
pleasant. If his Countenance were comely before, it is quite heavenlie
now; and yet I question whether my Love increaseth as rapidlie as my
Feare. Surelie my Folly will prove as distastefull to him, as his
overmuch Wisdom to me. The Dread of it hath alarmed me alreadie. What
has become, even now, of alle my gay Visions of Marriage, and _London_,
and the Play-houses, and the _Touire_? They have faded away thus
earlie, and in their Place comes a Foreboding of I can scarce say what.
I am as if a Child, receiving frome some olde Fairy the Gift of what
seemed a fayre Doll's House, shoulde hastilie open the Doore thereof,
and starte back at beholding nought within but a huge Cavern, deepe,
high, and vaste; in parte glittering with glorious Chrystals, and the
Rest hidden in obscure Darknesse.

_May 24th, 1643_.

Deare _Rose_ came this Morning. I flew forthe to welcome her, and as I
drew near, she lookt upon me with such a Kind of Awe as that I could
not forbeare laughing. Mr. _Milton_ having slept at _Sheepscote_, had
made her privy to our Engagement; for indeede, he and Mr.