, and it can't be true.
This far fame of mine, did some rival share it,
I could not bear it--what _would_ I do?

What would you do, now, if home returning,
With anger burning at the fickle crew,
You found the prospect of another Boom,
To dispel your gloom--ah! what would you do?
Why then by Ta-Ra, I'd bless the morrow
And banish sorrow, and raise my "screw."
I'd re-string this Harp hung no more on the willow,
And with tears my pillow no more bedew.

* * * * *

TO BE, OR NOT TO BE--DISCOVERED!

SCENE--_A Borough._ TIME--_Within measurable distance of the
General Election. Enter BROWN and JONES._

_Brown._ Well JONES, I am glad to hear that you purpose standing for
Parliament. You are a first-class man, and the House will be all the
better for having your assistance.

_Jones._ You are mistaken, my dear BROWN. I did intend to stand for
Parliament, but since the Archbishop has published his letter, I have
determined to retire from the contest.

_Brown._ What nonsense! Why I, as you know, have been in the House for
years and I assure you I have never met a more suitable man for
the place. Why, my dear JONES, you are absolutely cut out for
Parliament--absolutely cut out for it!

_Jones_ (_sadly_). I wish I could think so. But alas, no, after the
Archbishop's letter, I must, I will give it up.

_Brown._ Have you not made the question of the Criminal Code your own?

_Jones._ Yes, but I must admit (and I make the admission with shame)
that years ago at school I was rightly accused of stealing apples.

_Brown._ And was the accusation believed--were you punished?

_Jones_ (_struggling with his emotion_). Alas! it was, and I received
(from the Bench) a severe reprimand. It brings the red blood into my
cheeks--a severe reprimand!

_Brown_. Then you know all about the Libel Acts,--you are up in a
slander?

_Jones_ (_bitterly_). And should I not be? Do you not know that I was
once fined ten shillings and costs for saying that a drunken cook was
intoxicated!

_Brown._ Surely there was not much harm in that?

_Jones._ It was immoral to call the cook intoxicated, and the
Archbishop says, "that persons previously condemned on grounds
of immorality of all kinds are not proper legislators." Under the
circumstances I have detailed, I should not be a proper legislator!

_Brown._ But look at me! Here am I living a free life, doing exactly
what I pleas