uxury of making post-mortem enemies. He may wonder what the
average reviewer thinks he means by always referring to single
publishers in the plural. A note which we often see in the papers runs
like this: "Soon to be issued by the Dorans (or Knopfs or Huebsches),"
etc., etc. This is an echo of the old custom when there really were two
or more Harpers. But as long as there is only one Doran, one Huebsch,
one Knopf, it is simply idiotic.

Well, as we go sauntering along the sunny side of Grub Street,
meditating an essay on the Mustache in Literature (we have shaved off
our own since that man Murray Hill referred to it in the public prints
as "a young hay-wagon"), we are wondering whether any of the writing men
are keeping the kind of diary we should like our son to read, say in
1950. Perhaps Miss Daisy Ashford is keeping one. She has the seeing eye.
Alas that Miss Daisy at nine years old was a _puella unius libri_.

BURIAL SERVICE FOR A NEWSPAPER JOKE

_After the remains have been decently interred, the following remarks
shall be uttered by the presiding humorist:_

This joke has been our refuge from one generation to another:

Before the mountains were brought forth this joke was lusty and of good
repute:

In the life of this joke a thousand years are but as yesterday.

Blessed, therefore, is this joke, which now resteth from its labors.

But most of our jokes are of little continuance: though there be some so
strong that they come to fourscore years, yet is their humor then but
labor and sorrow:

For a joke that is born of a humorist hath but a short time to live and
is full of misery. It cometh up and is cut down like a flower. It fleeth
as if it were a shadow and abideth but one edition.

It is sown in quotation, it is raised in misquotation: We therefore
commit this joke to the files of the country newspapers, where it shall
circulate forever, world without end.

ADVICE TO THOSE VISITING A BABY

Interview the baby alone if possible. If, however, both parents are
present, say, "It looks like its mother." And, as an afterthought, "I
think it has its father's elbows."

If uncertain as to the infant's sex, try some such formula as, "He looks
like her grandparents," or "She has his aunt's sweet disposition."

When the mother only is present, your situation is critical. Sigh deeply
and admiringly, to imply that you wish _you_ had a child like that.
Don't commit yourself at all until she give