ou showed no sign---I felt a qualm--
And then the waitress brought your dinner.

Those modest rhymes, you thought them fair?
And will you sometimes praise or quote them?
And do you ask why I should care?
Oh, Lady, it was I who wrote them!

THOUGHTS ON SETTING AN ALARM CLOCK

Mark the monitory dial,
Set the gong for six a.m.--
Then, until the hour of trial,
Clock a little sleep, pro tem.

As I crank the dread alarum
Stern resolve I try to fix:
My ideals, shall I mar 'em
When the awful moment ticks?

Heaven strengthen my intention,
Grant me grace my vow to keep:
Would the law enforced Prevention
Of such Cruelty to Sleep!

SONGS IN A SHOWER BATH

[Illustration]

HOT WATER

Gently, while the drenching dribble
Courses down my sweltered form,
I am basking like a sybil,
Lazy, languorous and warm.
I am unambitious, flaccid,
Well content to drowse and dream:
How I hate life's bitter acid--
Leave me here to stew and steam.
Underneath this jet so torrid
I forget the world's sad wrath:
O activity is horrid!
Leave me in my shower-bath!

COLD WATER

But when I turn the crank
O Zeus!
A silver ecstasy thrills me!
I caper and slap my chilled thighs,
I plan to make a card index of all my ideas
And feel like an efficiency expert.
I tweak Fate by the nose
And know I could succeed in _anything_.
I throw up my head
And glut myself with icy splatter...
To-day I will really
Begin my career!

ON DEDICATING A NEW TEAPOT

Boiling water now is poured,
Pouches filled with fresh tobacco,
Round the hospitable board
Fragrant steams Ceylon or Pekoe.

Bread and butter is cut thin,
Cream and sugar, yes, bring them on;
Ginger cookies in their tin,
And the dainty slice of lemon.

Let the marmalade be brought,
Buns of cinnamon adhesive;
And, to catch the leaves, you ought
To be sure to have the tea-sieve.

But, before the cups be filled--
Cups that cause no ebriation--
Let a genial wish be willed
Just by way of dedication.

Here's your fortune, gentle pot:
To our thirst you offer slakeage;
Bright blue china, may I not
Hope no maid will cause you breakage.

Kindest ministrant to man,
Long be jocund years before you,
And no meaner fortune than
Helen's gracious hand to pour you!

THE UNFORGIVABLE SYNTAX