er was that they had not captured him long
since.

"'Very nearly did once or twice,' he admitted, and wagged his elderly
head; 'but t'owd lass is a great one to travel when she's sweet, an'
ah've 'ad a lot o' luck pickin' oop these bits o' firin' along the
road;' and he jammed a bunch of riveting stakes into the furnace.

"'Oh, ah reckon we're just keepin' ahead of 'em. Well, best be gettin'
along now, s'pose. Good day to you, Sir.'

"He wrenched at a lever and 't'owd lass' rumbled off down the highway
towards Albert, rearguard of His Britannic Majesty's Armies in the
Field."

PATLANDER.

* * * * *

[Illustration: STRIKE NERVES.

SHOCKING EXPERIENCE IN OXFORD STREET OF JAMES SIMPKINS, ESQ., A LARGE
EMPLOYER OF LABOUR.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _He (new to the Jazz and eager to learn)._ "WHICH STEP
IS THIS?"]

* * * * *

MISTRESS AND MAID.

_(New Style)._

My wife burst into the room, her face aglow with the joy of success.

"Oh, George, isn't it simply splendid?"

"Absolutely top-hole, I am sure, my dear; but supposing you let me
know what it's all about?"

"How silly I am," she murmured as she sank into a chair. "I quite
forgot I had not seen you all day, and it happened just after you left
for the office. You had not been gone five minutes when Jane came up
and gave notice. I determined to be firm and told her she could go
when she liked, and then I marched straight off to Mrs. Smith's
Registry Office. I found the dear old thing just as amiable and ready
to please as ever, but she told me I must not mind if the methods of
her establishment were a bit changed. In the old days, you know, we
used to sit in a small room and interview the servants she wanted
places for. But now the position is reversed, and the servants
interview you and ask you questions. I was told to go in and see a
nice-looking girl. She was not a bit shy and, after asking me to take
a chair, began to put questions--our income? your profession? what
other servants we kept? wages? margarine or butter in the kitchen?
etc.

"She seemed quite satisfied with everything until we came to the
matter of her afternoons out. I said that two a week and every
other Sunday was my usual custom, and that I hoped this would prove
agreeable. She snapped me up at once and said she must have at least
four, as well as the whole of every other Sunday.

"