er bargain. It was a painful
thing to be sure, for a father to get his son arrested; but que
voulez-vous! I did not appear in the transaction: she would have you
ruined; and it was absolutely necessary that YOU should marry before I
could, so I pleaded your cause with Miss Griffin, and made you the happy
man you are. You rogue, you rogue! you thought to match your old father,
did you? But, never mind; lunch will be ready soon. In the meantime,
have a segar, and drink a glass of Sauterne."

Deuceace, who had been listening to this speech, sprung up wildly.

"I'll not believe it," he said: "it's a lie, an infernal lie! forged
by you, you hoary villain, and by the murderess and strumpet you have
married. I'll not believe it; show me the will. Matilda! Matilda!"
shouted he, screaming hoarsely, and flinging open the door by which she
had gone out.

"Keep your temper, my boy. You ARE vexed, and I feel for you: but don't
use such bad language: it is quite needless, believe me."

"Matilda!" shouted out Deuceace again; and the poor crooked thing came
trembling in, followed by Miss Kicksey.

"Is this true, woman?" says he, clutching hold of her hand.

"What, dear Algernon?" says she.

"What?" screams out Deuceace,--"what? Why that you are a beggar, for
marrying without your mother's consent--that you basely lied to me, in
order to bring about this match--that you are a swindler, in conspiracy
with that old fiend yonder and the she-devil his wife?"

"It is true," sobbed the poor woman, "that I have nothing; but--"

"Nothing but what? Why don't you speak, you drivelling fool?"

"I have nothing!--but you, dearest, have two thousand a year. Is that
not enough for us? You love me for myself, don't you, Algernon? You have
told me so a thousand times--say so again, dear husband; and do not, do
not be so unkind." And here she sank on her knees, and clung to him, and
tried to catch his hand, and kiss it.

"How much did you say?" says my lord.

"Two thousand a year, sir; he has told us so a thousand times."

"TWO THOUSAND! Two thou--ho, ho, ho!--haw! haw! haw!" roars my lord.
"That is, I vow, the best thing I ever heard in my life. My dear
creature, he has not a shilling--not a single maravedi, by all the gods
and goddesses." And this exlnt noblemin began laffin louder than ever: a
very kind and feeling genlmn he was, as all must confess.

There was a paws: and Mrs. Deuceace didn begin cussing and swearing at
her husband as