carelessness, but a vivid consciousness that I
was blushing, upon a vacant number. To my horror I saw that I had
put down a large coin--the bulk of my possessions! I did not flinch,
however; I think any boy who reads this will understand my feeling; it
was not only my coin but my manhood at stake. I gazed with a miserable
show of indifference at the players, at the chandelier--anywhere but at
the dreadful ball spinning round the wheel. There was a pause; the game
was declared, the rake rattled up and down, but still I did not look at
the table. Indeed, in my inexperience of the game and my embarrassment,
I doubt if I should have known if I had won or not. I had made up my
mind that I should lose, but I must do so like a man, and, above all,
without giving the least suspicion that I was a greenhorn. I even
affected to be listening to the music. The wheel spun again; the game
was declared, the rake was busy, but I did not move. At last the man
I had displaced touched me on the arm and whispered, "Better make a
straddle and divide your stake this time." I did not understand him, but
as I saw he was looking at the board, I was obliged to look, too. I drew
back dazed and bewildered! Where my coin had lain a moment before was a
glittering heap of gold.

My stake had doubled, quadrupled, and doubled again. I did not know how
much then---I do not know now--it may have been not more than three or
four hundred dollars--but it dazzled and frightened me. "Make your
game, gentlemen," said the croupier monotonously. I thought he looked
at me--indeed, everybody seemed to be looking at me--and my companion
repeated his warning. But here I must again appeal to the boyish reader
in defense of my idiotic obstinacy. To have taken advice would have
shown my youth. I shook my head--I could not trust my voice. I smiled,
but with a sinking heart, and let my stake remain. The ball again sped
round the wheel, and stopped. There was a pause. The croupier indolently
advanced his rake and swept my whole pile with others into the bank!
I had lost it all. Perhaps it may be difficult for me to explain why I
actually felt relieved, and even to some extent triumphant, but I seemed
to have asserted my grown-up independence--possibly at the cost of
reducing the number of my meals for days; but what of that! I was a man!
I wish I could say that it was a lesson to me. I am afraid it was not.
It was true that I did not gamble again, but then I had no especia