-painted, but
never-sufficiently-to-be-admired, scenery.

Mrs. Gattleton was a kind, good-tempered, vulgar soul, exceedingly fond
of her husband and children, and entertaining only three dislikes. In
the first place, she had a natural antipathy to anybody else's unmarried
daughters; in the second, she was in bodily fear of anything in the shape
of ridicule; lastly--almost a necessary consequence of this feeling--she
regarded, with feelings of the utmost horror, one Mrs. Joseph Porter over
the way. However, the good folks of Clapham and its vicinity stood very
much in awe of scandal and sarcasm; and thus Mrs. Joseph Porter was
courted, and flattered, and caressed, and invited, for much the same
reason that induces a poor author, without a farthing in his pocket, to
behave with extraordinary civility to a twopenny postman.

'Never mind, ma,' said Miss Emma Porter, in colloquy with her respected
relative, and trying to look unconcerned; 'if they had invited me, you
know that neither you nor pa would have allowed me to take part in such
an exhibition.'

'Just what I should have thought from your high sense of propriety,'
returned the mother. 'I am glad to see, Emma, you know how to designate
the proceeding.' Miss P., by-the-bye, had only the week before made 'an
exhibition' of herself for four days, behind a counter at a fancy fair,
to all and every of her Majesty's liege subjects who were disposed to pay
a shilling each for the privilege of seeing some four dozen girls
flirting with strangers, and playing at shop.

'There!' said Mrs. Porter, looking out of window; 'there are two rounds
of beef and a ham going in--clearly for sandwiches; and Thomas, the
pastry-cook, says, there have been twelve dozen tarts ordered, besides
blancmange and jellies. Upon my word! think of the Miss Gattletons in
fancy dresses, too!'

'Oh, it's too ridiculous!' said Miss Porter, hysterically.

'I'll manage to put them a little out of conceit with the business,
however,' said Mrs. Porter; and out she went on her charitable errand.

'Well, my dear Mrs. Gattleton,' said Mrs. Joseph Porter, after they had
been closeted for some time, and when, by dint of indefatigable pumping,
she had managed to extract all the news about the play, 'well, my dear,
people may say what they please; indeed we know they will, for some folks
are _so_ ill-natured. Ah, my dear Miss Lucina, how d'ye do? I was just
telling your mamma that I have heard it said,