he had never seen any real active pirate. But he
added, "He is all fixed up just like a real pirate."

"Well, he isn't," said the Gopher, dictatorially. "The Pie Rat I knew
looked like any other rat, but he only ate pie. Does this one eat pie?"

"Did you say rat?" asked Tommy.

"I said Pie Rat," answered the Gopher.

"Well, you don't want to let him hear you say rat. You must say
ex-Pirate; that means that he is not a pirate any more."

"That's just what I said," persisted the Gopher. "I said he did not look
like a Pie Rat, and so he is not a Pie Rat, and that's all there is to
it." Then he threw up his hands and shouted, "Oh my! look at that!"

Tommy glanced up toward the head of the table, and saw that the Lion was
helping himself to fully half of what had been placed before him.

"What a lot he takes!" remarked the little boy, in surprise.

"Always," said the Gopher. "But it's the Lion's share, and I suppose he
is entitled to it. I wish I was a Lion."

"I don't," said Tommy, hastily, for he felt that he much preferred a
small animal like the Gopher for a neighbor to a possible Lion.

"Well, I don't really believe I would like to be a Lion, after all," the
Gopher went on to say. "If I could make myself all over again, I should
be part Elephant, part Camel, and part Giraffe."

"What a funny-looking creature you would be!"

"Oh, I would not mind that. I don't care much about appearances. Eating
is what interests me."

"I should think so," commented Tommy.

"And then think of the advantages of such a combination," pursued the
Gopher. "If I were part Elephant I should be as big as any animal; and
if I were part Camel I should have four stomachs; and then I should want
a Giraffe's neck. Just think of how long things taste good in a
Giraffe's throat. Why, it's two yards long! And mine is only about half
an inch. How many times better does a piece of pie taste to a Giraffe
than it does to me?"

"I don't know," answered Tommy Toddles, very promptly.

"Well, I've figured it all out many a time," added the Gopher, "and I
can tell you. A throat two yards long is twice thirty-six inches long,
isn't it?"

"Yes."

"That's seventy-two inches. And if my throat is only half an inch long,
the Giraffe's throat is one hundred and forty-four times as long as
mine, and so the pie tastes one hundred and forty-four times as good."

[Illustration: THE LION CALLED THE ASSEMBLED MULTITUDE TO ORDER.]

Tommy marvelled at