, or under their shawls. Be
careful, Henry--Jeems, I should say," said Cheatum.

Being duly rehearsed, Jeremiah Bumps went to work. The first customer he
had was a little girl, who bought a yard of ribbon for ninepence, and
Jeremiah not only stretched seven-eighths of a yard into a full yard,
but made twelve cents go for a ninepence, which _feat_ brought down the
vials of wrath of the child's mother, a burly old Scotch woman, who
"tongue-lashed" poor Jeremiah awfully! His next adventure was the sale
of a dress pattern of sixpenny de-laine, which he _warranted_ to contain
all the perfections known to the best article, and in dashing his
vigorous scissors through the fabric, he caught them in the folds of a
dozen silk handkerchiefs on the counter, and ripped them all into
slitters! The young woman who took the dress pattern, upon reaching
home, found it contained but eight yards, when she paid for nine. She
came back, and Jeremiah Bumps got another bombasting! He sold fourpenny
calico, and warranted it to wash; next day it came back, and an old lady
with it; the colors and starch were all out, by dipping it in water, and
the woman went on so that Cheatum was glad to refund her money to get
rid of her. Two dashing young ladies, out "shopping" for their own
diversions, gave Jeremiah a call; he labored hand and tongue, he hauled
down and exhibited Cheatum's entire stock; the girls then were leaving,
saying they would "call again," and Jeremiah very amiably said, "do,
ladies, do; call again, _like to secure your custom!_" The young ladies
took this as an insult. Their big brothers waited on Mr. Bumps, and
nothing short of his humble apologies saved him from enraged cowhides!
Jeremiah saw a suspicious woman enter the store, and after overhauling a
box of gloves, he thought he saw her _pocket a pair_. He intercepted the
lady as she was going out--he grabbed her by the pocket--the lady
resisted--Jeremiah held on--the lady fainted, and Jeremiah Bumps nearly
tore her dress off in pulling out the gloves! The lady proved to be the
wife of a distinguished citizen, and the gloves purchased at another
store! A lawsuit followed, and Mr. Bumps was fined $100, and sent to the
House of Correction for sixty days.

How many new clerks Nebuchadnezzar Cheatum has put through since, we
know not; but Jeremiah Bumps is now engaged in the practical science of
agriculture, and shudders at the idea of a young man from the country
being _wanted_ in