intended
victim._)

Back to your BANDOLINA, plumaged daw!
Be bald, but resolute, in your disguise,
Till haply on her honeymoon she learns
How you have drawn her with that single hair,
And I may be avenged! Till then, adieu!

(_Stalk gloomily off, and allow somebody else to remove
the chair._)

* * * * *

ON THE STUMP, IN TWO SENSES.--So the Parliamentary Session _and_ the
Cricket Season are over at last, and contemporaneously. The latter has
been productive of long scores and high averages, the former of little
but long speeches and low language. And now _two_ teams of British
Cricketers are outward bound by the _Iberia_, for a holiday campaign in
Australia. Nobody knows exactly how many teams of slogging politicians
are also going for _their_ holiday campaign--"on the stump," all over
the Kingdom. _Mr. Punch_ wishes the two lots of willow-wielders, led
respectively by Mr. VERNON and ARTHUR SHREWSBURY, a far merrier time and
much better "scores" than he fears will fall to the lot of the
peripatetic Parliamentarians.

* * * * *

THE HOME RULE CURE.--Mrs. M. understands that the only remedy possible
for Irish complaints is Antimony.

* * * * *

GREAT NEWS FOR THE IMPECUNIOUS.

I have just received intelligence of so astounding a character and
fraught with such glorious results to the great majority of mankind,
that, although I may be said to have partly promised to keep the
wondrous secret to myself until after I had turned the information to my
own enormous advantage, I do not hesitate to reveal to a delighted
universe, information which, if true, will so revolutionise the whole
constitution of society, that every individual member of the almost
innumerable class of the indebted, will feel at once enfranchised from
the demon that now pursues him with his insatiable demand for more, and
his poor oppressed soul will, as of old, sing with joy. What then is
this glorious discovery that is thus wondrously to relieve the gentlemen
of society from the base bondage of debt? I am naturally forbidden to
reveal all its minute details, but a general outline I feel justified in
laying before the world.

My informant, then, who will be one of the very first to take advantage
of the discovery directly it has reached a practical stage, assures me
that in an isl