ll in the
Kurhaus, where the band is playing, and men, maids, and matrons, not all
quite so young as they were, chatter and flirt.

Such is our life in Homburg, enlivened, about a fortnight ago, by great
scandal, which wild horses shall not drag from me. But ask any lady
fresh from Homburg. Will, at first, say, "No, she really can't; too
painful," and so on. But _apres, le deluge_ of confidence.

* * * * *

SOME NOTES AT STARMOUTH.

In Professor SKITTLES' chair--with the sun in my eyes. He has not begun
to read my character yet; he is still measuring--with tape this time. I
must say he takes great pains. Blazer contingent has moved up closer;
they pretend to recognise me as "Cousin BILL." Take no notice of
them--try to fix my thoughts far away--on ETHEL DERING. How pretty she
looked that night! Wonder, if I had plucked up my courage and spoken,
whether she might not have----However, I didn't, and she couldn't. How
full is life of these missed opportunities! ("You're leaving out his
nose, Guv'nor!" from a Blazer, and giggles from idiotic girls in front.)
I feel very forlorn and friendless up here. Professor has finished
measuring, and is preparing to "delineate" me.

Cross my legs, and compose myself to listen seriously. ("Cheer up, Sir;
he'll tell you when he's going to 'urt you!" _yelps a beast in the
background_.)

"Here we 'ave a gentleman," says the Professor, passing his hand along
the top of my head, "in some respects rather a contrast to our last
subject." (_I should hope so, indeed!_) "This gentleman's 'ed is the
second largest we have had under examination to-day." ("'Ear-'ear!"
_from the Blazers, and a meaningless suggestion that I should_ "make a
good 'atter!") "His Mental Brain is scarcely so large as we might
expect; in fact, if the development of the lower brain were in
proportion, we should find the gentleman--well, I _was_ going to say, an
idiot. Fortunately the brain, though not tall, is wide. He has Firmness,
Energy, and what we call Driving Power, very large. This is a very
curious gentleman"--("Oughter be stuffed!" _puts in a ruffian, and
everybody laughs--even the Professor--confound him!--smiles
indulgently_.) "He likes to go everywhere, and see everything. He can
sit down to a good dinner, and enjoy it." (_Shouldn't have thought that
a rare characteristic--but it delights the audience._) "His Self-Esteem
is large." (_There he is quite wrong--I haven't nearly_