ago a gentleman called upon me with a message. He had
just arrived from Berlin, where he had been acting for our Government in
a matter concerning tariff revision, he being a member of the commission
appointed by our Government to conduct our share of the affair. Upon the
completion of the commission's labors, the Emperor invited the members
of it to an audience, and in the course of the conversation he made a
reference to me; continuing, he spoke of my chapter on the German
language in "A Tramp Abroad," and characterized it by an adjective which
is too complimentary for me to repeat here without bringing my modesty
under suspicion. Then he paid some compliments to "The Innocents
Abroad," and followed these with the remark that my account in one of my
books of certain striking phases of German student life was the best and
truest that had ever been written. By this I perceive that he remembers
that dinner of sixteen years ago, for he said the same thing to me about
the student-chapter at that time. Next he said he wished this gentleman
to convey two messages to America from him and deliver them--one to the
President, the other to me. The wording of the message to me was:

"Convey to Mr. Clemens my kindest regards. Ask him if he remembers that
dinner, and ask him why he didn't do any talking."

Why, how could I talk when he was talking? He "held the age," as the
poker-clergy say, and two can't talk at the same time with good effect.
It reminds me of the man who was reproached by a friend, who said,

"I think it a shame that you have not spoken to your wife for fifteen
years. How do you explain it? How do you justify it?"

That poor man said,

"I didn't want to interrupt her."

If the Emperor had been at my table, he would not have suffered from my
silence, he would only have suffered from the sorrows of his own
solitude. If I were not too old to travel, I would go to Berlin and
introduce the etiquette of my own table, which tallies with the
etiquette observable at other royal tables. I would say, "Invite me
again, your Majesty, and give me a chance"; then I would courteously
waive rank and do all the talking myself. I thank his Majesty for his
kind message, and am proud to have it and glad to express my sincere
reciprocation of its sentiments.

[_Dictated January 17, 1906._] ... Rev. Joseph T. Harris and I have been
visiting General Sickles. Once, twenty or twenty-five years ago, just as
Harris was coming out of