brother, Uncle Billy Sparks. Ain't he handsome? Jist take a
look at them eyes. And he's smart, too--smart as Uncle Charlie, purty
nigh. Onct his mother-in-law come t' see 'em and staid a long time and was
awful cross and Uncle Billy got tired of it and took and put a wad of
cotton in her ear trumpet so she couldn't hear a thing, and she thought
she was goin' plumb deef and left that day fer home to see her doctor.
Wasn't that cute of him?"

[Illustration]

"That there's ma's greatuncle Peter. He was awful well off, and proud of
it. Onct when th' minister was raisin' money t' pay fer th' new church he
preached and he preached, right at Uncle Pete, purty nigh, and bimeby
Uncle Pete he got up from his front corner seat and turned round toward
th' people and hollered, 'I'll give another hunderd dollars t' th' Lord,
and yuh all know I kin pay it!' he says.

"Turn over."

[Illustration]

"That's Uncle Jerry Sparks, ma's brother. He was a lieutenant of
artil'ry. Pa says ef he was a rebel and seen Uncle Jerry comin' weth that
'spression onto his mug he wouldn't only hit th' high places."

[Illustration]

"That's Evans Billhorn, a cousin of ma's by his first wife. He ust t'
keep a butcher shop down t' Peory and he was so strong he could throw down
a steer. Onct pa made a mistake talkin' t' Evans. Evans was a-braggin'
'bout how he could rassle, and pa ups and says, 'Huh! you couldn't throw
nothin' but a fit,' he says. Say! it never took less 'n two doctors t' fix
all th' things about pa that was broke."

"Still, Evans is most awful clumsy, too. One time when he was t' our house
he knocked off a real cluny vase of ma's and broke it and his wife says,
'Evans Billhorn, th' next time I take you anywheres I'll crate yuh!' she
says. Pa kep' a piece of that vase fer a long time. 'Pore feller
suff'rer,' he called it.

"Turn over."

[Illustration]

"That's Perfessor Tweedie. He teaches penmanship and he knows Shakespeare
better 'n, old Mahomet knowed th' Koran, pa says. Ain't he a hairy feller,
though? Onct him 'n Frank Mendenhall was a-doin' Brutus and Cassius
wrapped up in sheets in Liberty Hall and when Prof says, 'Here is muh
dagger and here muh naked breast,' pa hollers out, 'Git a shave, Prof!'
Well, sir, it purty nigh busted up th' show."

[Illustration]

"That's Cousin Flora Burgstresser. She's th' belle of Beardstown. Her
hair's so long she kin set on it. Onct a hair tonic company offered her a
pile of money--mo