gland,
And for the faces of my own people.

* * * * *

"The Viceroy, fishing in the Kabini river yesterday, caught a mahseer
weighing 77 pounds. This is the best fish so far caught in one day."--
_Weekly Rangoon Times._

We gather that the giant would not have allowed any less august angler to
land it except by instalments.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "RATTLING GOOD BOOK THIS, _COURTSHIP AND CRIME_."

"YES, I'VE READ IT."]

[Illustration: "SPLENDIDLY WRITTEN."

"YES, I'VE READ IT."]

[Illustration: "BY JOVE, IT'S EXCITING!"

"I'VE READ IT."]

[Illustration: "THERE'S ONE THRILLING BIT WHERE--"

"YES, I'VE--"]

[Illustration: "--THE HERO--"

"--READ IT."]

[Illustration: "--BUT I MUST READ IT TO YOU."

"I'VE READ IT."]

[Illustration: "I KNOW YOU'LL--"

"I'VE READ IT."]

[Illustration: "--ENJOY IT."

"I'VE READ IT."]

* * * * *

GUINEA-PIGS.

It was with ill-concealed trepidation that I approached the Pontifical
Personage who presides over Messrs. Barkrod and Tomridge's Zoological
Department. The recollection of my previous and only encounter with him
still burned in my memory. I had gone thither with a young nephew on whom
in a rash moment I had urged the satisfaction to be derived from the study
of natural history and he had countered with a birthday and a demand that I
should convert precept to practice by providing him with a pet.

The P.P. greeted us with benignant expectancy. His white apron merely
accentuated the obvious fact that he had come in a limousine. I have since
decided that he mistook me for an eccentric peer. It seems that eccentric
peers and struggling journalists are apt to provide the same air of
sartorial abandon to the eye of the uninitiated.

It was the young nephew, however, who made the running. The entire
menagerie whistled, barked, sat up on its hind legs, performed acrobatic
feats and said, "Scratch poor Polly," at his discriminating behest. Finally
he reached a point where he simply could not decide between a Goliath
cockatoo at L22 10_s_. and a white-faced Douroucouli at twenty-seven
guineas.

At this juncture I insinuated myself into the discussion, and by the
exercise of subtle pressure got him to compromise on a pair of white rats
at half-a-crown. Never shall I forget the look of majestic contempt with
which the Personage withered me as he extracte